My Slutty Aunt's Wedding

I shook my head Knew the day’d be messy Some poor sap Was marrying my Aunt Bessie She’d slept with half of Brooklyn Flaunting her exploits all through town The mayor, the banker, the deli clerk Even the birthday party clown A wedding gown, so fitted Her bellybutton showed Boobs shoved up high enough To violate building code Minutes before the shindig She pulled me on the roof Snatched a flask from her garter belt Downing one hundred ninety proof She wanted to call it off No way she could comply To promise for all her life To only screw one guy I told her she could do it Like many other people do She finally calmed down And made her wedding day debut She stumbled down the aisle Tripping on her gown Her daddy kept her steady ‘til the pastor stared her down She blushed but pulled together Long enough to give her vows After the ceremonial kiss Everyone went to carouse Letting loose at the reception She danced with all the boys Twirling, flashing, grinning Making all kinds of noise I’d like to say things ended well That monogamy she would master But before the night was over She got naked with the pastor For Andrea's "Show Me the Funny" Contest