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My first poem

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Below is the poem entitled My first poem which was written by poet M. Hussain Effendi. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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My first poem

Once Jim and I were good brothers and friends
But soon our friendship came to an end

Then there was a wall between us like a shield
We both had to go in different fields

I had to work hard for my life
He got served like a queen in a bee hive

I did not get time to sleep or play
He played on the grass and slept on the hay

Then once again we both met each other
But I had forgotten that he was my brother

(No laughing please, I wrote this when I was around 11 years old...hehe)

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  1. Date: 4/15/2013 7:32:00 PM
    Maybe he got hayfever sleeping in the hay! How are you dear friend; yes I miss you but was so happy to have you visit. Hope life is treating you well! Hugs to you, Lizzie

  1. Date: 5/21/2012 7:24:00 PM
    Perhaps a little well deserved jealousy. Playing favorites isn't fair.

  1. Date: 5/4/2012 12:08:00 PM
    Part of my family are people I'd rather not know too. I think most of us have a few.

  1. Date: 5/3/2012 2:46:00 PM
    Damn good for an eleven year old, or even older. daver

  1. Date: 4/24/2012 1:31:00 PM
    Very good poem for a lad 11 years old. Most admirable

  1. Date: 4/6/2012 8:57:00 PM
    Clever lad you were and are; so happy to see a new one posted by you. Hope you and your brother are good friends again! :)

  1. Date: 3/26/2012 10:18:00 PM
    Very well-structured poem for an 11 year old. I very much enjoyed the verse. :) Always, Laura

  1. Date: 3/24/2012 2:52:00 PM
    Early birds catch the worm. No wonder you have admirable poetic qualities today. Thanks Hussain for your kind words of appreciation of my poem The Wound. I am deeply moved. It causes a deep wound if ones mother dies at an impressionable age, specially if his father is already dead and he has a little sister to take care of who also dies within a couple of years. The wound becomes cancerous never to be healed.

  1. Date: 3/20/2012 10:10:00 AM
    For being, your first poem. I think it's great. Thanks for sharing. Lucilla

  1. Date: 3/20/2012 10:08:00 AM
    The conclusion might be - you and JIm became good friends again, what ever was the problem had been forgotten. Smart 11 year old. Love, daver

  1. Date: 3/20/2012 10:07:00 AM
    this is a nice poem, ur lucky to have your poems from when you were little, i dont know where mine went, anywho i enjoyed reading this its very nice :)

  1. Date: 3/20/2012 6:46:00 AM
    Thank you for adding your spices to the soup today M. I am enjoying reading all the appetizing poetry posted here today. Have a wonderful week. May inspiration hit the tip of your pen and never let go. Love, Carol