Lonely Hope

I sit at christmas and want to feel as others To have the chance if only Seeing children with their loved ones It makes my stomach turn as I cannot relate I want to feel pregnancy I want to cherish a child of my own Feeling all this and feeling all alone I look to my partner he knows how I feel Been back and forth for IVF and crushed my dream Seeing children opening presents on TV Eyes so wide and smiles on their faces I feel as a man as I am not a woman Women can have children - not me I reach for hope into the year ahead Every night I pray on arrival to my unfertile bed Young mothers non deserving most in it for a home Others take drugs and have no cherishing thoughts Children need love and time to grow Something of which I feel I will never know