I Am Going To Sit Here - Letter To a Strong Black Man
I am going to sit here – Letter to a strong black man
I keep hearing voices that a Fire is going to come against me.
That everyone will turn on me, and that I will have to experience another “cross” experience.
I can’t take it.
I can’t take another cross.
I can’t force myself to do this work.
What can I do?
Can you call me?
I am pathetic, I realize.
I realize that I am weak and sympathy seeking. I can’t get out of it.
You are a person that I trust to have mercy on me.
I am weak. What will I do?
I am weak.
I need not for you to disagree, because I know that you don’t disagree.
You are a strong black man, I am not, I am weak.
I am self absorbed.
I am self-pitying.
My coworkers look at me with joy and happiness, cause they know that they have gotten the
best of me.
They enjoy being above me.
I am below.
I am going to sit here.
I talked to my wife and she said that I should just get the work done.
I can’t respond to that.
I can’t respond.
I promise God, that if he just gets me through, I’ll be all good.
What is the best way for me to focus?
Is it pressure?
Pressure worked all day today, but now it is not working.
I am black, this is what we are like.
Defeated and wallowing in learned helplessness.
You are better.
I admit it.
You are strong and I am weak.
I admit it.
I never thought any different about you.
I never thought that I was stronger than you.
I never thought that.
I simply admired you.
I admire that you can do this, when I refuse to press in.
I admire that you’re mother was hard on you and you responded.
I am not responding.
I am not cute.
I am black.
But I really believe that God has put me here.
I can’t run.
I am going to sit here.
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