How Do I Explain?

How do I explain where I have been, new lover? Once, on warm summer nights I laid tangled in the darkness Warmed against deep loneliness In the form of a man And how I accepted it, this moth’s fate- Tapping my heart Over and over Against that light On the other side of the glass. Seeking fulfillment from emptiness No better then that creature, I persisted. Digging myself this kind of grave. There was this death before you. My death. And it cycles over and over on the surfaces of my mind Like the tide, turning in on happier days And withdrawing with the dark. And I fear I am nothing more than these motions Repeating with no more reason then to say: I had loved once And then it was gone. I had loved once. And now, it is gone. The water washed away the vows, And with it, Somewhere deep within the texture of the bottom I found fragments of truth. I found you. There is no perfection where you seek it, new lover. And how I fear, Oh how I fear… The impermanence of love. When permanence of loss is far more real.