Get Your Premium Membership

Haunted Brothel

Her bony fingers stroked my hair, I shuddered at the icy touch, And when I turned no one was there. I felt the hatred of her stare, My heart was frozen in its clutch, Her bony fingers stroked my hair. I’d walked into the open snare, My curiosity too much, And when I turned no one was there. I stood alone inside her lair, The murdered prostitute was Dutch, Her bony fingers stroked my hair. The room was full of such despair, I tried to flee but dropped my crutch, And when I turned no one was there. How stupid was the double dare, I’d suffer now for playing butch, Her bony fingers stroked my hair, And when I turned no one was there. For Paula's Unease contest

Copyright © | Year Posted 2012




Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.

Please Login to post a comment

Date: 5/29/2014 8:22:00 AM
This was the first one, on your Best Poems list. What a great read. You've told a fun, mysterious story here, and you've told it well.
Login to Reply
Date: 2/2/2014 11:59:00 AM
hey, Jack, I just recently discovered this cool thing . Our BEST poems as chosen by other members are right here for everyone to see by clicking where it says "Best poems" this is your very best one as chosen by soup members, and I can see why!!!
Login to Reply
Date: 7/3/2012 1:29:00 PM
Congratulations on your placement in the "Unease" contest Jack. Love, Carol
Login to Reply
Date: 7/3/2012 1:13:00 PM
Ooh, eerie. I love it! Congratulations. This is a wonderful write. *smiles* Tanya
Login to Reply
Date: 7/2/2012 3:52:00 PM
congrates on your win very nice poem
Login to Reply
Date: 7/2/2012 2:46:00 PM
very spooky and filled with unease - congratulations on your win!
Login to Reply
Date: 6/30/2012 5:05:00 PM
Beautiful and awesome piece,my friend.Great job.Congratulations on your well deserved win...
Login to Reply
Date: 6/30/2012 5:45:00 AM
Jack congrats on your win, spooky..David
Login to Reply
Date: 6/30/2012 2:32:00 AM
Sounds so eerie! Congrats on your win Jack!
Login to Reply
Date: 6/29/2012 9:36:00 PM
JACK, congratulations with your wonderful win in Paula's unease contest..goodnight *PD
Login to Reply
Date: 6/29/2012 6:07:00 PM
More than a small amount of unease here, Jack. The villanelle form was perfect for this scary poem. Congratulations on your big win. Love, Joyce
Login to Reply
Date: 6/29/2012 3:15:00 PM
Congratulations of your well deserved win. A great villanelle. Scary.
Login to Reply
Date: 6/29/2012 2:19:00 PM
Wow...you tackled a difficult form, and it is a winner!! Great work!!
Login to Reply
Date: 6/29/2012 2:18:00 PM
Jack, look at this, Your first villanelle took the prize!! Way to go, big congrats to you, my friend!
Login to Reply
Date: 6/24/2012 2:06:00 PM
That would be unease for sure..Good luck in the contest..Reads like winning material..Enjoyed reading this afternoon..Thanks for stopping by, reading and taking time to comment on my work..Sara
Login to Reply
Date: 6/23/2012 7:08:00 PM
Hey, I almost forgot to check out your villanelle. Did you say your first one? Wow, you did a GREAT job, Jack. I really like this haunted tale. You chose very well your two main repeated lines! That's the crux of writing a good villanelle!
Login to Reply
Date: 6/21/2012 1:39:00 PM
eerie yet beautifully crafted, jack...such undaunting poetic energy!.. best wishes and huggs!
Login to Reply
Date: 6/21/2012 12:13:00 PM
Super poem... Terry
Login to Reply
Date: 6/21/2012 11:17:00 AM
This poem is sure to win Jack, I just know it! It made me so very uneasy while I was reading it, wow! This is a wondrous poem my friend! I loved this write immensely! Great Work!!
Login to Reply
Date: 6/21/2012 11:13:00 AM
I love this form Jack and yours came together perfectly.. Next time beware about the dare games you get involved in lol ;) lfde Wilma
Login to Reply
Date: 6/21/2012 10:05:00 AM
THIS IS AWESOME!! Good luck in the Unease contest, Jack <3
Login to Reply
Date: 6/21/2012 9:05:00 AM
phenomenal imagery and an eerie aura make this piece a winner Jack luv.. how awesome is your imagination .. will pass on your well wishes to Constance tomorrow . no updates as yet.. nice use of form too .. best wishes ..
Login to Reply
Date: 6/21/2012 8:48:00 AM
so creepy Jack. I love it. Kathy
Login to Reply
Date: 6/21/2012 8:02:00 AM
Love it Jack its even made me uneasy xx
Login to Reply

Book: Reflection on the Important Things