Hate

I hate myself I want to be stronger but I can't I'm broken and broken I stay just swirling in this sea of uncertainty I'm in this whirlpool of emotion actions and I feel drained all the essence of me is gone.. I can't find it... I can't find the fighter within me I just can't I believe that I , I cross the seven seas looking for it I might find it along the way... but right now I got no idea where the essence is left I just don't want to be I don't want anything my essence must lay crumpled somewhere along the way that took me to this place... maybe if I check my steps I'll see where it lays but I don't have the force to rewind it and understand what happened or what is going on... I just don't want to be anything If just existence decided to leave me alone I might get some peace. But peace is something I won't find or so it seems. So defeated I feel, there's no force behind my actions... I can't find it in me anymore I despise myself cause I'm wasting oxygen people surely will need in the future. so I express my apologies darling unknown strangers I'm sorry