Haiku 26

the melting snow sits on the remnants of green lawn -- the smell of smoke Andrea D. Suggested the following changes the snow melts on the remnant of green lawn -- the smell of smoke Chris A. Suggests some of the articles be removed snow melts on remnants of green lawn -- the smell of smoke Rueben O. has made a valid comment too regarding the word remnant. Jack Kerouac once said that haiku should be as simple as porridge and the word remnant is NOT..it is a word best used in free verse. As to whether it's Spring or early Winter I think the smell of smoke shows nicely that folks have lit their fireplaces BUT I'm open to suggestion. the snow melts above patches of green grass -- chimney smoke Rueben now we have come to the end of my desire to tinker ;) Line 3 as it stands was MY Ahaa moment seeing how the cold and the heat both occur in beauty simultaneously BUT my AhhhHA! may be your [so what] that's fine..and it is GOOD to point out the fragmented line is tthe hardest to excell in.it is the line where without [telling] by [showing] the poet tries to communicate how they felt in awe.... *This is how folks work on a haiku :)