First Class

My 2 hands are not strong enough to bring you on the 1st flight back to what we had. I can feel the past tense pretending to beat down on my head with your own fists, stopping at the last inch each time, and making my body flinch and tense up. The meaning of a martyr, I've looked up 12 times already, hoping that on the twelfth time, what you say and what you do match together so that words will become my Judas no longer., but I would still die for that betraying kiss. I hate worrying over things I have no control over. You would never think it would take such physicality to keep my spirituality when born in a world full of demons. It's rough, living this way; you can't have one without the other in this life. My hands are not strong enough to save a single soul. No nail iron driven openings in my wrists to assure anyone that "It is finished." His spirit may live inside me, but I cannot be someone else's Savior. These hands were still created to do marvelous things like, writing love letters on the first of October and, massaging your mind with aspirations you hadn't even dreamed about yet. Though the fact of you being far away beats me with a heavy leather belt of unfairness, a martyr is only a martyr if he's dead, and I am not. And even though sometimes it may seem that I'm playing tug-o-war with a freight train, I'll keep my grip secure as the strongest definition for the word 'tight' will allow. I will bandage my bruised fingers in circles 1 by 1 because a circle will only stop roll once you've told it to. But even then, when I look back and see the 10 chances that never let you go, I'll recollect the 1 kiss you could've given me. I'll remember the 12 definitions that shout with the same conviction "You are worth it!" I'll look straight down straight up straight slanted & keep my eyes straight forward at the beautiful person in the front seat of my heart. My 2 hands aren't strong enough to board you on the 1st plane back as soon as I'd like to believe, but I will pick you up when you need me. You've got yourself a first class seat.