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false hope

Diana-Marie Bombardieri Avatar  Send Soup Mail  Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled false hope which was written by poet Diana-Marie Bombardieri. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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false hope

Red numbers burn 4:04 into the darkness. Moments later, they transform their identity and moan 5:16.  Work begins in three hours and forty-four minutes; three hours and forty-three minutes. 
An uninviting breeze blows through the filmy fabric, interrupting her weary gaze. Tiny defined bumps form on top of her ashen skin.  Her bare feet wilt from the edge of the bed as she sits above the bottle of poison that she has since neutralized.  
He should have stumbled through the door by now. 
Draping a blanket around her curved shoulders, she meekly makes her way to the next room.  For a fleeting moment, she permits herself to contemplate her existence.  She wonders how she ever succumbed to this.
Just outside, a vehicle screeches to a halt.  Music and muffled voices are heard with some effort.  A woman’s laughter penetrates the air.  The screen door clicks gingerly behind her as she leans over the paint chipped railing hoping to hear a little more.  It is him.  He is okay.
Instinctively, she returns to the bed and pretends to be asleep.    
With difficulty, the apartment door opens and closes.  Keys hit the parquet floor with a familiar clatter.  The stagger to the bedroom is clumsy and piercing.  She lies perfectly still with fallen eyelids.    
It is quiet again, but this time the silence is too loud.  
She seals her eyes tight and comforts herself with false hope of tomorrow. 

january 12, 2012
(this is not a poem, it is a postcard story I had written for a writing project. Was wondering if anyone had any thoughts about it and/or constructive critisim. Did it evoke feeling? Thanks for checking in:)

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  1. Date: 5/13/2012 10:17:00 AM
    Dear Diana-Marie, your story is full of unexpected dreams ,you are great ,the game is on and you live us to imagine what happened next,and that makes your story so great, thank you, love it, ivy and happy mother's day

  1. Date: 4/27/2012 9:27:00 PM
    I have to say "You are a story writer" :o) The only thing I didn't like about it was...Would a woman really put up with that? Ha,ha.. I think the next page would be about how she got a knife,and did a little surgery to the But you have a gift! It does evoke feeling... :o)

  1. Date: 4/25/2012 4:55:00 PM
    Diana-Marie, First, funny story--a few weeks ago I commented to your mom "where's your protege"--she mailed me "who?", "Diana-Marie" Oh! Anyhow back to this write--LOVE IT!! A little Poe, a little Hitchcock, and everyone wants to know what happens tomorrow. Poe said to not waste words, O'Henry didn't and Eric Segal (Love Story) proved it. You're off to a powerful idea process here---great job!

  1. Date: 4/23/2012 3:28:00 PM
    Diane-Marie, I enjoyed reading this story very much! Postcard story, eh? A minimalist short story of sorts....have to weigh every word carefully. Ah, you asked the question at the bottom, and even though I am not a woman, it was as if I was inside of her head. Very emotive writing. Well done :D~ I am impressed.

    Bombardieri Avatar Diana-Marie Bombardieri
    Date: 4/23/2012 11:54:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Yeah. Postcard stories are harder than they seem. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my writing. I was so happy to hear that you felt like you were inside of the characters head. I am about to embark on tackling a novel...but a little intimidated. Short stories and postcards seem like the logical first step before trying a larger project. Thanks again:)
  1. Date: 4/23/2012 10:56:00 AM
    A very nice postcard story,Diana.You keep the details intact throughout the whole write too.Both with the descriptive feelings as well as the story in itself..More! lol Oh,nice seeing you in your avatar too:) Can you please read and comment mystory too,I`ve posted in my blog.Its called Mountain Pass..Exit 59.Nice seeing you again by the way!

    Bombardieri Avatar Diana-Marie Bombardieri
    Date: 4/23/2012 12:01:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    nevermind! figured it out! left a comment on your blog:) Really enjoyed!
    Bombardieri Avatar Diana-Marie Bombardieri
    Date: 4/23/2012 11:00:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I would love to read your story! How do I read a blog???
  1. Date: 4/23/2012 9:55:00 AM
    Lots of feelings are exposed. What is a postcard story? It sure sounds poetic. Is 'he' a husband or son or father? Sounds like it is probably a husband, but my first read was a son. Many nights spent waiting for either or bothin my life.

    Bombardieri Avatar Diana-Marie Bombardieri
    Date: 4/23/2012 10:00:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    a postcard story is a piece of writing that only has 250 words or less. You must tell a story with few words, so everyword counts. It is a great writing exercise:) The man in this piece is the boyfriend. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this. It is appreciated:)