Home » Poems » Nette Onclaud » Exchanging Dreams: Shadorma Poem

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Exchanging Dreams: Shadorma Poem

EXCHANGING DREAMS




two old men
with retirement’s eyes
exchange dreams
on a bench,
growing tendrils of old age…
as night becomes dim

they recline
like curled sleeves wrinkling,
memories
recycled
on phonograph's needling tunes
crossing young regions


poetic form:shadorma 
©


* The  Shadorma is a short Spanish form, of six unrhymed lines.
As a syllabic poem, it has a strict number of syllables per line:
3 - 5 - 3 - 3 - 7 - 5
 

For Broken Wing
Any Poem Not For A Contest, Ever
8/15/2011

lifeoldtimeshadorma

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Sandra Haight

Date: 5/16/2016 9:17:00 AM

Nette, congratulations on your Second Place win in the 'Any Poem Not For A Contest, Ever' contest. Hugs, Sandra

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 5/16/2016 9:14:00 AM

- Congratulations on your wonderful poem, Nette :) - hugs // Anne-Lise :)

Elizabeth Wesley

Date: 8/16/2011 8:49:00 PM

Those tendrils could be eyebrows, whiskers, nosehairs etc. I can picture the two old codgers sitting there. Fantastic write Nette! Love, Eliz

Linda-Marie Sweetheart

Date: 8/16/2011 6:51:00 PM

shining example Nette luv..but methinks this is not only applying to older gentlemen as some young uns have memories as well.. pleasant view of aging luv..thankxx.. good luck with this new contest.. luv the form..

Joe Maverick

Date: 8/16/2011 6:03:00 PM

Found this to be a most engaging piece Nette,

Kash Poet

Date: 8/16/2011 3:41:00 PM

Hey,where is the new one??

Joseph Osita

Date: 8/16/2011 3:18:00 PM

I really enjoyed this shadorma on two aged men. Very nice and well written! The technical problem on soup is really giving me headache. I pray they find a permanent solution to the problem.I will check out your contest. Have a nice day,Nette!

James Foulk

Date: 8/16/2011 12:32:00 PM

a great write, very creative poem. thank you for commenting on Writers Block. I will be leaving poetry soup next week, we are doing away with the internet for a while, will be back later i hope.

Carolyn Devonshire

Date: 8/16/2011 4:41:00 AM

I love the comparison of these elderly friends with "recycled phonograph's needling tunes." If only those of us who are growing old could return to the ddays of our youth "crossins the young regions." I have written for your contest but don't despair if entries are coming in slowly, dear. The technical problems on the site are driving some away. Awesome example of a shadorma. Love, Carolyn

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 8/16/2011 12:01:00 AM

wow, nette, this is really nice!! I think your contest has to be about a carnival? I like THIS one, which is not about a carnival. This really does justice to the form! Luv, Andrea

Jack Horne

Date: 8/15/2011 3:55:00 PM

Wonderful imagery, Nette. I'm just having a go at the shadorma - you make it look so easy...

Russell Sivey

Date: 8/15/2011 2:36:00 PM

Subject matter-so very awe inspiring! Form-Awesome, I love this form! Creativity-Perfect, so very magnificent!! Thanks for the invite Nette!

S.Jagathsimhan Nair

Date: 8/15/2011 12:29:00 PM

Thanks for the invite, Nette, this one goes to prove that you are at ease with all forms of poetry and language .About the Shardoma contest i have put together some lines which as of now looks quite pedestrian and as such put off its posting for a while and if it turns out ok for me i too hope to join in, hugs, jag

Kabuteng P.Ink K.

Date: 8/15/2011 11:02:00 AM

Very intriguing form you've introduced to us, Nette-- thanks :) and I really liked your example, hmm for some reason I can't help but imagine Rip Van Winkle! and thank you very much for your kind words in my triolet, sayang nga; but super congrats to all your winners and thanks for your explanation on your tea cup poem, whoops, medyo ang layo nung naisip ko, sorry! Hopefully you all can post blogs soon! hugs :)

Dr.Ram Mehta

Date: 8/15/2011 10:41:00 AM

Thanks for the example, I have posted one for trial just now, nette

Gary Fields

Date: 8/15/2011 9:27:00 AM

Not a so sad poem if one should grow old gracefuly..So long as he can remember to spell. To dream is a natural thing and to observe is marvelous. I am accepting your offer! keep up the write-up! Your friend in the pen/G.FIELDS KISS>KISS>KISS-UP^

Sara Kendrick

Date: 8/15/2011 9:16:00 AM

Enjoyed the flow of this one..Good to read one that you have written to the form..Thanks for the honor of placing in your contest..Sara

Sidney Beck

Date: 8/15/2011 7:53:00 AM

oh .....I forgot to say ( I cant resist)..... ......Sadorma SHMadorma... .........where do you dig up these off-the-leash poetic terms?? L O L Young N :))

Sidney Beck

Date: 8/15/2011 7:50:00 AM

SERIOUSLY this is wunderbar.....no bulls*it Young Netski, you've cracked the safe now....you re a real poet .....all your stuff is unusually colorful and replete with meaning ( ok go get the dictionary L O L...I'll wait...) but this is REAL poetry....I am being serious here for a moment, so enjoy it ....KOC