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Emptiness

Below is the poem entitled Emptiness which was written by poet Gurleen Kaur. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Emptiness

                                                               
Staying here with my loneliness,
I can't withstand this emptiness,
My days are full of sadness,
My nights are full of darkness,
How can I live without you

My heart breaks, my eyes weep,
As if i have never seen any happiness,
Don't you see what's happening!!!!!!!!!!

Can't take anymore this heaviness,
Please come for sake of my loneliness
Come and fill my emptiness.......

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John Ginesi

Date: 6/15/2013 1:17:00 AM

Gurleen, This poem does not deliver as much as your other "Caressed" it seems to stay in the negative too long and it has no punch line near the end. I find if you finish on a great line it makes the poem more interesting and try not to repeat a word or similar the following line as it can become monotonous, just a few tips for you, the more poems you do the better you will become, you have to have the passion to do this and you will undoubtably succeed. John