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Dealing With Depression and Self Harm

DaQuan Bowrin Avatar  Send Soup Mail  Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled Dealing With Depression and Self Harm which was written by poet DaQuan Bowrin. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Dealing With Depression and Self Harm

Hey guys this isn't a poem it's more like me telling you all about myself and my life.
As you all may know from the content of my poems that I suffer from mild to severe depression. I've been depressed for a little bit over a year but it's only now      that it's really starting to set it's roots and kick in full effect. It used to just creep up on me one day I'd be happy, smiling and laughing then the next day I wouldn't want to get out of bed I'd suddenly become sad for no apparent reason at all. It would so bad to the point that I'd get excruciatingly painful migraine headaches daily during which any kind of light made my eyes hurt. If I tried to get up and walk I'd get dizzy and lose my balance there were times where I couldn't see, I couldn't eat. I was also very self conscious about my body image and weight and still am. I used to weigh 105 pounds and my doctor would tell me that I have a high metabolism and I'd hate myself for that no matter what I tried to do I couldn't gain weight. That alone would be enough to send me into a downward spiral of depression I'd try out for the football team at my school and I'd get rejected because I didn't meet the weight requirements and that would make me even more sad. Ok moving on I now weigh 120 pounds I'm still not happy with it but I accept it for now. Nowadays I get so depressed over anything literally will trigger me. I'd worry about things and then I'd obsess over it. Recently there have been times I'd obsess over things to the point that I'd get suicidal. Just recently last night me and my girlfriend had a fight and almost broke up I got so depressed about it that I couldn't stop thinking about what I'd do without her and I got extremely suicidal I did something that I hadn't done for almost a month. I self harmed. Speaking of self harm when I first started doing it I'd cut my wrists almost every night it got so bad that at the end of that first month my wrists and forearms were covered in scars. Through the times when I was extremely suicidal I did everything I could to kill myself I hung myself from the ceiling fan, I've tried to drown myself, I've slit my wrists, I've overdosed, once I've even attempted suicide at school in the restroom. Over the past months I've tried to be strong, I've tried to set a good example for my little brother and sisters, I've tried so hard but on the inside I'm just really sensitive and weak. I've just recently started thinking about reaching out for professional help.

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  1. Date: 8/24/2014 8:16:00 PM
    Hello. I like your writing. And just to let you thoughts are with you. The medicine helped me & it's not addictive. Please give it some thought. If you'd like to know more about my experience(s) don't be afraid to ask. Take care....and keep up the great writing!

  1. Date: 8/11/2014 1:12:00 PM
    DaQuan this is an incredibly brave write and my heart goes out to you - my advice is don't just think about reaching for professional help just DO IT. By writing this it shows you are ready to take this step - do it please for the sake of yourself, your friends and your family. Jan xxx

    Date: 8/11/2014 1:38:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Yes I understand but by actually writing it down and admitting how you feel indicates to me you are ready and need to get help - self harm and attempted suicide is a cry for help but you need to act now. my thoughts and prayers are with you that you can get help:-) Jan x
    Bowrin Avatar DaQuan Bowrin
    Date: 8/11/2014 1:31:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I know I'm ready to reach out for help but I'm not completely ready yet I've been googling and watching videos on youtube on the topic of dealing with depression I'm getting some advice from some of my friends on how to deal with it and I wanted to know if reaching out for help would actually work rather than just make things worse. I'm pretty sure you understand right?