Crumbling Cracking Crushed

an impossibility. so it seems. how did we get to where we are? An impossibility. ripped at the seams. How did I let my heart get this far? Its an impossibility to breath without pain. a sure probability that I wont be the same. an instant feeling, that my heart is at my feet. just pieces of a person, that used to be me. am i even happy? is this meant to be? I'm staring at a reflection that wont look back at me. A glimmer of my former, a me I used to be. Is this the real amber? or love's casualty. My reflection still wont look this way, Am I in danger of losing myself completely? The injustice of love i've suffered mercilessly I've tried so hard to not let it defeat me. I've tried so hard to hide this discreetly. But I just cant sweep it under the rug and ignore that its been lurking near. When you ignore something so relevant, you find yourself full of paranoia and fear. Is this really me? This robot talking and ranting. Where am I? lost inside a love. I've prayed so hard, so many times, begging for answers, for strength from above. I'm broken. crumbling. cracking, falling. I'm lost. scared. alone. trembling. I'm defeated. beaten. overpowered. failing. I'm asleep. nightmares. monsters. dying. You're my everything. my world. what am I without your hand in mine? And this is where I've lost myself, A love that consumed, overtook, intertwined. I love you fiercely. without regret. I love you without an ounce of doubt. But now I've fallen into a deep, dark hole. and can't figure my way out. I could never take back my love for you, its not just a plug i can pull. I can't just walk away and never look back. You made my heart beat, my life full. I stand corrected. you still do. you always will. my heart has been yours to keep. thus the reason i feel so empty and scared. this leaves me alone and broken to weep. why does God let us love so fully? Why does he let us love so blind? He should limit the love we can feel for another. I'm tired of loving so hard. and being left behind. I gave all of myself completely. never an ounce of lazy love. I've put forth effort that could move mountains. its just never quite enough.