Im in prison for commiting a crime
taking things that were not mine,
i went out into the general public,
and stole things from a random subject.
I hold up my hands and take the blame,
my picture in paper to add to my shame.
I realise now i went about it all wrong,
ill explain it all within this song.
I should have worn a suit to work,
commited my crimes with a smirk.
For id have the right as a civil servent,
my squeaky clean image and smell of detergent.
Oh how id laugh at the publics expence,
the poor,the peasents,the holiday tents.
While back inside my gentlemens club,
caviar,chianti and tax payers grub.
Sit smoking cigars by an open fire,
swopping stories of our selfish desires.
"I gave five pounds to a charity today,
then claimed it back within my pay"
"I claimed straws for my childrens party,
then more money to dress them smartly"
"I claimed for a jag in case the other breaks down,
then for another to potter round town"
"Well when the wife fell down the stairs,
i claimed thousands just for the repairs!"
"I claimmed a thousand just for one shoe,
then another five thousand for a rent boy or two".
Raise the taxes!
Theres not enough,
public funds to buy our stuff.
My ducks need a house,
a one that floats!
And i need money to dredge my moat!
I need a taxi to take me ten yards!
To see my neighbour and play charades
Then baffle the public with a few choice words
and change the subject,declare war on the kerds
But i wouldn't be breaking any rules,
these are important political tools.
So the motto of the story is i should have listined in school!
Instead im sat here on this prison stool.........