I suddenly realized that I wanted you to replace her.
She gave me life, warmth, courage, confidence,
a beginning trusting.
Warmth through my entire spirit.
Then it was gone.
And I waited and yearned
“I cannot live by myself”
But somehow I must,
and I thought I had.
But instead I was still searching incessantly.
“You must replace her,
or perhaps you.
I cannot replace her.”
I didn’t know what I was doing.
I begin to understand better.
I want the hunger that she left to be filled,
or substituted--by someone who is not her,
but somehow by myself.
Somehow by my own peace.
Somehow, by some way yet to be clear.