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Confused Beliefs at a Tender Age Part 2

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Below is the poem entitled Confused Beliefs at a Tender Age Part 2 which was written by poet Timothy Hicks. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Confused Beliefs at a Tender Age Part 2

It's hard to believe that was the "tame side" of the church when I was growing up. I can only imagine what it was like in its heyday. For reasons I still can't explain, the Stonehouse broke up and people were eventually free to live their own lives. Though I think a great many felt directionless. The building still stands, and there is still a congregation (a grand dozen or so, and the majority of them related). The funny thing is that even now I'm connected to it. My best friend attends there to this day (though for reasons, also unknown, the congregation have all but tore down their Hell-fire and Brimstone Brigade). The best part of those days was the amount of friends I had. The worst being the scars that refused to go away. I remember, sleepless nights, lying awake in a cold sweat. I was about six at the time, and staring at the ceiling, for several hours, there was one thought that took precedent over all else: what would it feel like to burn in hell, knowing it will never, EVER stop being painful? I was too young to know why such graphic images of flesh burning and flames roaring, would pop inside my little head. Or why I'd dread the night simply because I knew those feelings would come again, as they always did, like clockwork. For the life of me I'll never know...

NOTE: This cult-ish atmosphere is something I grew up in. And those sleepless nights, when I was 6 or so, were very real for me at the time. Though much has changed since then... my dad is still very religious, but it's hard to imagine that he was so uptight long ago. He's now extremely laid-back and one of the funniest people I know...

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  1. Date: 5/26/2013 12:55:00 AM
    so your dad became laid back??? Wow,that is really unusual!! You know, that guy I mentioned to you would use THIS stuff you are writing about as proof of the way he believes about Christians. I hope you still believe in God after all you went through. I think this extreme doctrine is very damaging and not at all what God wants for us.

    Hicks Avatar Timothy Hicks
    Date: 5/26/2013 1:00:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thanks for taking the time to read this very lengthy piece... it's kind of a long story. I will soup mail you more details!
  1. Date: 5/17/2013 9:39:00 AM
    I can only imagine. That wasn't fair for you to go through at such a young age. I was the same though. My parents would tell me stories of the Tribulation and death, and even though I believe it I think I was too young to know all that. The imagination of a 6 year old is hyperactive. The images one can conjure can be pretty frightening. But I'd say this: You turned out pretty well... :D Keep up the writing!

    Buil Avatar Caleah Buil
    Date: 5/20/2013 10:12:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    :O That's true...PSYCHO! Haha!
    Hicks Avatar Timothy Hicks
    Date: 5/17/2013 2:56:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Well thank you... that means a lot! However you do not know me in person... who knows to what extent my psyche is messed up? Lol! This stage in my life was dramatic to say the least...
  1. Date: 4/18/2013 7:13:00 AM
    I know of something similar to "religious communities" from the "old" time in Norway - Everything that was done had to be followed by the Bible. - If a child made ??noise thing .... they were often "threatened" that they would go to hell ..... threw the children into a pot and boiled them - no wonder that someone had nightmares and was afraid after dark - thanks for your story Timothy - I believe that there are many such historeier! - oxox / / Anne-Lise :)

    Andresen Avatar Anne Lise Andresen
    Date: 4/18/2013 9:58:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    - It was not the church that boiled kids - it was the devil ... the man with horns! :) :)
    Hicks Avatar Timothy Hicks
    Date: 4/18/2013 8:10:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Well the church didn't go so far as to boil children! But the elders seemed to enjoy guilt-tripping it's members every single service (which occurred about 4 times a week). Thanks for reading this long piece, and giving me your insightful comment... means a lot!
  1. Date: 4/18/2013 7:02:00 AM
    Yeah, 6 is too young to be presented with such images...and fear...far too young. Thank you for this deep look into the young you. It was captivating.

    Hicks Avatar Timothy Hicks
    Date: 4/18/2013 8:08:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I'm glad you liked it Caleb. It's a little on the darker side of things, but it's not from my own imagination... just saying how things were.
  1. Date: 4/18/2013 6:33:00 AM
    I subscribe as well to the love side of the message but we cannot fully discard this part of the message. We do however have no fear of that place if we accept the gift that has been placed before us. God has no wish for any of us to end up their.

    Lamoureux Avatar Richard Lamoureux
    Date: 4/18/2013 8:36:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I am sure you are right.
    Hicks Avatar Timothy Hicks
    Date: 4/18/2013 8:07:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I understand what you're saying. However if you were there, I'm not sure you'd agree to how they handled such things...
  1. Date: 4/18/2013 6:17:00 AM
    Oh Timothy...this was quite a look into your heart. It is unfortunate when the focus goes from relationship to rules. I'm not sure what all the group you believes in. I've seen what legalism can do to people...and sermons of hell fire. It's SO sad to see the damage that causes. GOD IS LOVE. Too little space to write all that's in my heart. Thanks for sharing....May the joy and peace and light of heaven surround you, and the love of the Father!

    Hicks Avatar Timothy Hicks
    Date: 4/18/2013 8:05:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I appreciate you making it through this very lengthy piece. The group my family belonged was too complicated to accurately describe (what I shared was just an outline of the crazy things that happened inside that church). I don't think it's healthy being overly sheltered like that...