Camille

Jealous of the land,
howling and screaming with rage
She came in the night...

***Mississippi Gulf Coast - August, 1969
Estimated wind speed: 200 MPH

naturesenryu

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Andrea Dietrich

Date: 11/6/2012 3:05:00 PM

I see both versions and I think the other one is the one you should enter in the contest. Is it the one you chose? well, I need to hurry home soon. Nice catching your poetry here today

Kathryn Collins

Date: 11/6/2012 1:47:00 PM

wish Camille had been so short. Well said.

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 11/6/2012 10:49:00 AM

Bravo, well written Jim !!! - oxox // Anne-Lise :)

Debbie Guzzi

Date: 11/6/2012 10:36:00 AM

[a thirty-foot wall/of water pounds the beach--/remembering Camille] more haiku like first 2 lines fine now ..we could work more on line 3 or leave it..up to you..your idea [you made it harder too because haiku is in the moment ie present tense so that's how I would suggest doing it. Light & Love Cher

Carol Sunshine Brown

Date: 11/6/2012 10:09:00 AM

An excellent write that I enjoyed reading today Tim. I hope to have more time in the future to read more. Love, Carol

Debbie Guzzi

Date: 11/6/2012 7:51:00 AM

Cher it's a great telling using personification which in not used in haiku, copy that blurb I put at the end of my #13 and try again..leave this do as you did with the other label senryu..which is witty or sarcastic in tone and about human nature ;) Light & Love

Camille

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