I looked in the mirror today,
and I didn’t recognize my face.
It was so foreign to me.
Lines and curves,
I had never seen before.
I had looked in this same mirror
hundreds of times before.
What I saw was,
a young girl,
whose eyes were swollen,
and red with tears.
Her face chubby and fat,
from all the times she ate,
to take away the pain.
I saw the blemishes on her face,
sporadically placed like polka dots,
caused from the stress and pain,
that was sporadically placed in her life.
I saw a frown,
that was permanently glued there.
So unwavering and fixed.
Mascara and make up smeared her face,
"dirtying" this picture,
she so carefully tried to paint.
A quick glance showed me all of this.
I turn because I couldn’t bear to see more.
If it was like this on the outside,
what would the inside look like.
quickly flooded my mind.
I had so many dreams,
all of them slowly drifting past.
This is my life.
1:30 am standing,
standing in front of a mirror,
in the bathroom.
Tear stained face,
with running mascara stinging my eyes.
And writing …
because there is no one there to listen to me,
except these pages.
And if there were someone here to listen,
would they even understand ?