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Being with me

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Below is the poem entitled Being with me which was written by poet Colin Amato. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Being with me

I looked for you in the 
corner store amongst cheap bottles 
of wine that give no intoxication 
                          no ecstasy 

I looked for you pats the 
lonely matron, pushing her 
roller backpack across dirt stained 
rugs amongst aisles of hard bound 
paper knowledge 

I looked for you in walks 
as the sun sank into 
confetti whirling pink, blue
then black like the bruises 
on my heart. Walking past 
black and silent streets 
and houses on All Hallows Eve 

I looked for you when I 
got home to an empty 
apartment, tired and hot
staring a the computer 
screen, dog and cat 
Farmyard, circus of the 
Soul 

I looked for you in the 
massages and abuse 
the oppressions and 
genocide 
Asked the question 
why do I like the 
villains in the stories 
and movies? Lack of 
power? Or wanting to 
seek and unattainable 
goal and be willing to 
do anything, fight the 
law, fight man, fight
God to obtain

I looked for you in 
my room called the
library amongst dusty
books, earthquake hazard 

I looked for you in the
random encounters, platonic
                                  or
                                      otherwise 

Look for you when I am 
with friends or when they
are to busy for me, their 
lives like vessels and 
my own stuck in the 
sand. The wrong river 
of time, not ebbing but 
flowing nowhere 

I looked for you in solitude 
this whole empty weekend 
where I had to wrestle 
with myself, Jacob and 
The Angel of the Lord 
David and Goliath 
Jesus bleeding sweat 
that glistened in the 
pale moonlight of
Gethsemane 
             
                       gone

Saw the snake in my
dream erupt (or did I?) 
out of the underground 
cave from below 
Am I close?
A breakthrough draws 
closer? A change about 
to begin?

I looked for you and 
realized it wasn't you 
at all but me, the 
old me sitting, standing 
walking, searching 

Out of myself I know
how to live with 
myself and laugh, sing 
whirl in joy with this 
realization of being with me.

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