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Becoming Ghosts

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Below is the poem entitled Becoming Ghosts which was written by poet Frank F. Atanacio. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Becoming Ghosts

He was a ghost of a young soldier,
in war he died,
at home they cried,
he looked like a wreck,
exhausted and caved in,
eyes weary and dazed,
so much killing, but no sin,
mind confused and crazed,
his brown hair dirty and dull,
the war was draining,
he even forgot his training,
ignoring the explosions hitting the ground,
every few yards he hears the sounds,
he then hears the whines twisting together,
vibrating sound, and another pound,
the war growing louder,
the bombs shattering frowns,
voices drown,
mostly in pain,
everything around him, completely insane,
as shrapnel blew,
the fighting grew,
death was real, death was true,
he watched all that and didn’t know what to do,
the last thing he saw was a flash,
he then heard a crash,
and what worried him most,
was more and more soldiers becoming ghosts.

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  1. Date: 3/19/2009 5:36:00 AM
    This is great, Frank... people can be dead inside even though they are physically alive and going through the motions of "life"... you captured this perfectly and with real emotion... soliders never stop sacrificing, do they... whether in war or not... it never ends for them. They can't go home at the end of a 9-5 job and try to forget what happened that day... their job becomes a part of them and is never forgotten. "Terrific write" doesn't do this poem justice, but it is, terrific. Love, Amy

  1. Date: 3/14/2009 11:47:00 AM
    I like the idea of this, especially the ending, as Cris points out below. the broken english of this adds poiniancy to the whole piece. I think you use rhyme and alliteration well in this poem, though I think it could be shorter as some lines ('as shrapnel blew,-the fighting grew,' for example, are awkward and unnecessary. But it is a good strong poem that captures its theme well.

  1. Date: 3/13/2009 10:53:00 AM
    So many of our youth return from war as "ghosts," Frank. I do believe you captured the confusion of a young soldier watching his comrades fall, then falling himself. Very powerful, Frank! Love, Carolyn

  1. Date: 3/13/2009 8:00:00 AM
    gripping, intense, well done again, Frank! Jim

  1. Date: 3/13/2009 7:54:00 AM
    This is just amazing, Frank. I mean it. Wonderful true heartfelt writing. Love Christie

  1. Date: 3/13/2009 7:46:00 AM
    I don't have any words for you Frank, its raw, Great writing as always sunshine

  1. Date: 3/13/2009 7:35:00 AM
    well written... you have created the scene so well and it is so sad ... your write is so well put togther, you have surely enlightened us of what they face during those times!! ~ Arany

  1. Date: 3/13/2009 7:32:00 AM
    Well Frankie, i loved the opening and how you took us through this scene.. the ending is cool..ghost watching others becoming ghost.

  1. Date: 3/13/2009 7:31:00 AM
    Oh how sad this one is, but true I am afraid. For all those that have lost their lives in war this is an awesome tribute. You have captured the pain and emotion so clearly in this piece. Saddening and frightening what these brave men and women go through. Thank you for sharing this one. Smiles from Lolita