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Beastly Appetites (repost in original dialect)

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Below is the poem entitled Beastly Appetites (repost in original dialect) which was written by poet Frances King. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Beastly Appetites (repost in original dialect)

Well, 'e sidled up the sofa, and he snuggled up right close…
I said, “Now, watch it, Charlie, you’ll get fag-ash on me toast!”

'E said, “D’you think…?” I said, “Not much…” 'e said, “No, well, I mean…”
I said, “You what…?” 'E said, “You know…” I said, “Now, keep it clean!”

Well, he snuck his arm around me, an' I thought, “WOW! This is IT!”… 
Then he suddenly pinched me cherry, an' he gave it a dribbly lick!

I yelled, “Gerroff…!” 'E said, “Come on, I 'aven’t 'ad it yet…”
I said, “You do, I’ll chuck yer out!” 'E leered, “D’yer wanna bet?”


I snatched it out of his fingers, an' I put it back in place. 
'E sighed, “Ahh, don’t it look lovely…” OOH! I could’ve slapped 'is face!

'E said, “that the time? I’ll 'ave ter go…” I said, “What’s up with you?”
He said, “Yer know…” I said, “I don’t!” … Then 'e went, - and IT went, too!


 I thought he wanted my body, and a night of illicit fun…
But all he was really after was… The cherry off my BUN!!!!

This is in the style of the old-time comedian's monologue.
I particularly thought of Les Dawson, but we all remember a favourite.
In Northern English dialect, all small cakes are called buns ...

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  1. Date: 10/24/2009 6:06:00 AM
    It's better late than never, they say. I finally have time to go back and read a few contest winners. I definitely did NOT want to miss out on this one. Congratulations are still in order for your success in Deborah's dialect contest. Very creative! Lovingly, Dane Ann

  1. Date: 9/28/2009 12:41:00 PM
    Frances, congrats on your success in the contest...Raul

  1. Date: 9/28/2009 9:39:00 AM
    Incredible work! I love it, Frances! Congratulations on your win in Deborah's Contest! Ruben.

  1. Date: 9/28/2009 3:30:00 AM
    Congratulations on your win in Deborah's contest Frances.Love, Carol

  1. Date: 9/27/2009 8:34:00 AM
    What a fun and clever poem!! Congratulations made me laugh!! ~ Love, Carrie

  1. Date: 8/23/2009 5:15:00 PM
    Fantasmicgorical! I'm glad I read it here cause the ' and " don't transfere right for the contest! a REAL peach! LOL Light & Love and thanks for the entry!

  1. Date: 7/25/2009 11:34:00 AM
    gnr, this was funny man two thumbs up

  1. Date: 7/24/2009 7:54:00 AM
    Its great to read people still using and remembering the older styles really liked this poem. not everyone has to write the same or stick to the same subject great work.

  1. Date: 7/23/2009 1:50:00 PM
    Frances, Obviously, this was a man with no taste at all. A wise man would have bided his time until YOU were on the menu. Well written dear lady. Thanks so much for your kind remars on my stuff. Love, Will