Bad Romantic Deception

there once was a boy I thought I loved in my mind i kept him above all my thoughts he was there but his love I did not share I couldn't tell him how I felt with the pain he could not have dealt my mother predicted my downfall and yet that was not the worst to befall the fact that I knew what I had done was still not enough to make me run I’ll break his heart and cause him pain that’s how I know that I am vain to end it would relieve my doubt that in his world I should be without I may be just a girl of words who wishes she would just be heard but through these words I can express all my sins I will confess all the wrongs I have admitted are few compared to the many I have committed I know I’m wrong and what is right yet i cannot seem to find the light if you were to look inside confidence you would not find for all along I have degraded myself in ways so as not to be persuaded if you read this feel my pain but know you are not to blame I am the cause for my own hurt but I hope I can someday reassert myself into society be the girl I wish to be I doubt this will happen very soon for things like that happen once in a blue moon but maybe someday I will see the thing that will lead me to be free