Are Ya Lishning To Me
Are Ya Lishning To Me
After two Pints of Guinness an old uncle of mine in the West of Ireland would
become very cantankerous. When he went into a bar he would smile falsely to
pretend he was not cantankerous - after the second pint it crept back in.
His name was Pat and he would be around 75 years then. He always wore
a sleeve-less autumnally coloured horizontally lined jumper and a browny black pin
striped tag (suit) and peak cap. I know he wore long Johns back then in the 1980s.
He also had two clear apparent rods to the back of his neck when he strained it! His
main difficulty in life was that he had no heirs and lamented about this when ever
there was drink taken. One of his favourite comments for nephews of all families
when pint two or more were sunk was to say to us:
You can keep coming but you'll get nathing. (We never wanted anything).
His wife Mary had a loud shrill voice and each time she spoke Pat's eyes would
flicker. He'd turn his head away from this loud noise a hundred times a day.
I often thought the sound would penetrate his brain and that's what disturbed his
mind some what.
Pat had drank three pints in a certain bar while seated at he counter on a high stool.
John Francis came into the bar and sat beside Pat. John was around 65 years. He
wore a long creamy coloured rain coat. So coloured from never having been washed.
It stretched down to the top of his cattleman's wellingtons. John had a perpetual
white scum in the corners of his mouth. Why I cannot say.
How ya John says Pat. A pint for John. John says:
No I'll get me own - John knowing Pat's character traits only too well.
Pat went into the details of his cattle trading days as usual and the many fights he
had at the cattle fairs years ago. But at the end of almost every sentence Pat would
"Are ya lishning to me are ya on the point " (lishning-listening)
John would continually reply :
"I'm lishning to ya" repeatedly.
"Are ya lishing to me are ya one the point" Is said yet again but now he is elbowing
John as well.
More talk and another: Are ya lishning to me are you on the point (elbow)
This is said at least 15 times over the hour and John is getting fed red sick of this
constant: Are you lishning to me etc and the elbowing to the ribs and says to Pat:
Didn't I tell you I was lishning to ya and I'm Sick lishning to ya and while I'm at it
would ya don't be talking shi_e.
All the young girls around the bar burst out laughing at this. (True)