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A tornado of geese fall

Jim David Avatar  Send Soup Mail  Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled A tornado of geese fall which was written by poet Jim David. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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A tornado of geese fall

A tornado of geese fall
To a winter graze
Up shoots the tiny green grass

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  1. Date: 11/23/2012 5:18:00 PM
    I live in oregon where we have a MONSTEROUS Canadian geese population.The logistics of ten thousand geese landing is amazing.They look like mini vortices but NEVER touch one another.Simply baffling..I felt compelled to use tornado, as it was the only word that did the job. Also, the last line was the cut.... Geese fall, grass up... Juxtaposition, yes? I think so! Please excuse an ignoramus-hack.... I merely dabble!

  1. Date: 11/23/2012 4:41:00 PM
    Ok here's what I see [a flock of geese landing eating grass] If you label it a tornado of geese you are putting your concept of what it looked liked in the readers mind..don't do that in [as plain as oatmeal] SHOW what you SEE [don't tell] you did join lines 1 and 2 which is good but line 3 simply re-elaborates the first 2 lines don't repeat

    Guzzi Avatar Debbie Guzzi
    Date: 11/23/2012 4:44:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    [a flock of geese land / on a freshly sprouted field -- a shotgun rings out]use lien 3 to add more sensory input
  1. Date: 11/15/2012 3:22:00 PM
    i know it was an inverted meter, but i don't trifle with semantics......

  1. Date: 11/12/2012 12:14:00 PM
    Jim, a good and well written Haiku. - oxox // Anne-Lise :)

  1. Date: 11/12/2012 11:54:00 AM
    Hi Jim, a great Haiku, and imagery. Rollo