Yellow Lights

Toxic, intoxicating solitude, With a tantalizing proclivity To slither inch by inch, or suddenly, Back into suffocating loneliness When will I again see my own person Reflected back at me from the abyss? There is a thrill in the uncertainty Of when yellow will finally kill me. My jaundiced skin shivers in raw disgust, Shivering life into dissolution. It kills my blue and sickens it, lost light. My own bioluminescence has died. Yellow tunnel vision sharply focused, On sheer emptiness, an omni-vacuity, On the devastating futility Of my erstwhile blue kaleidoscope world. Yellow asylum lights, small evening lamps, Make me forget there ever was an outside, That blue skies ever shone or oceans roared. Instead, it shows me damp, flaccid colour. ‘No difference,’ says Yellow, ‘both beautiful,’ In one hand a withering buttercup, In the other, a wilting bluebell. ‘Both the same,’ it says, And I believe it. ‘It has always been me,’ it says, glowing. ‘Always and ever only me. Yellow.’ The glow is blinding, too bright for my love. How will my darling azure overcome? So I am consumed with a blinding rage. It is better to see nothing at all Than to allow that yellow pus to seep, deep Into my bones, poisoning my marrow. It does not ooze, but floods in a torrent A murderous tsunami, drowning all, And when all its bloody work is done, It stagnates, obese with satisfaction. Its arrogance perforates my being, Leaving parched holes, I’m forced to drain myself. I ploughed red striped like bloody torn up earth, But the infernal yellow still remained, Until I bathed myself in that red blood. Then with the red lethal stripes I was cleansed. With the slice, the desiccation, I danced. Now my scars are of beautiful conquest. Yellow light in bloody fight defeated, And red cremated, scattering ashes, From which I now arise, old self slaughtered, Killed in blood, now new in blood established. You foolish adolescent, budding growth, Do not heed the buttercup’s seduction. Its piercing rays will sear you to the brains. They will murder you, just as they murdered me. Now waves buffet my soul to ecstacy. Consumed with immortal vitality, Indestructible joy, undistilled, I see two worlds united as one. Smile, my love, upon this fair conjunction The binding marriage of both essences. In the windows of my soul they are seen These lovely greens, borne by our own dichotomy.