Whittled Down

Purposely, intentionally enter out my reluctance and enter in a nose dive back into the past a Samurai Jack experience It has to be here somewhere these long forgotten memoirs pieced together yet never mentioned never verbally spoken nor handwritten They were at the time impossible, unimportant and still so, yet this is thrice now allow me to take this monster off my chest as I speak of someone as ancient as the dinosaurs as ancient as the Mayans but don't read to far into this, it's pure exaggeration I'm a living exaggeration What was I saying, I lost all my momentum in roaming dialogue I forgot what the message was so let me start over with something better ... Anastasia, you are missed there, done and vocalized now to be forgotten though I realize the irony in the words just uttered She has now forgotten me following the footsteps of past sorceresses who came to be The trap was always the same: twin inviting pools of shimmering light beholding the sun the incredible urge to draw what lay behind discovering the hurt beyond joyful exchanges beyond the smile that could be seen 10,000 miles The trap was always the same: bewitching conversation, lost in wavy locks while trying to break the locks cast upon the heart to turn from stranger to hero, everlasting embraces meets the sweet taste of lips The trap was always the same but who cast it first is always a mystery, though the fallout is more or less always the same Here is where I whittle down the page with fond memories of our time together if memory would serve me well but the most bitter memories consisted of fighting, arguing, insults and accusations I can bare to live without yet a few times like most would find me in there were these moments where I would drop to a halt say nothing at all, just look up with no inflection, no reflection just stare at her, utter not a sound catch her in my gaze and let the seconds fall as I break into a smile as she lets one pass upon her lips the lips I've shared a kiss a lot less than I believe it now a lot less than at the time maybe I wanted 7 hours, my longest time spent with her on a nothing day an average Saturday, and we did nothing to make the day special except for roundabout conversation and meaningful stares which now feel like separate lifetimes At the time I wanted her, no one but her no one existed...I'm lost inside my own mind now now unintentionally, accidentally... You'd think after years of static, after years of moving forward after even stating emphatically I'm better off without her she's better off without me There's still moments where I think she's here in my vicinity wearing the faces of clones, dopplegangers, and look alikes and I freak out, I freak out breakdown, I break down my guard's down Dang it, I just have to say it come clean and free this pressure from my brain I know this will never reach her