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When It's Over

tin voice pleading magic lost version of self on the edge of drought fakery like a bin of plastic fruit maybe buy livability maybe find the stinging centre of body whatever floats to the top of thinking making purchases of white stuff in half lit alleys that peel back growth swaddled in needing injecting junk into the night how to find a mate dismantled? dark eyes eroded that brim like black coffee to its rim a look for something that must be had in gibberish leaps of high flares of addiction that smell like an animal skinned poisoned air of white powder that charts the touch between us Poem composed: April 22, 2021 Revised: April 25, 2021 Contest: Open Poetry 3 Sponsor: Charlotte Puddifoot

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Sara Kendrick

Date: 6/6/2021 7:57:00 AM

Creative work. Congrats on this winner. Way to go. That white stuff is a killer so I am told and it only pulls down in a every increasing spiral. Thanks for all your visits to my page. Sara

Brian Sambourne
Date: 6/6/2021 10:23:00 AM

Thank you, Sara, for your positive take on what is a grim subject. I hope that some of my lighter pieces on spring + children balance my submissions somewhat. All the best, Brian

Juliet Ligon

Date: 4/28/2021 8:47:00 AM

Dark, but very descriptive and emotive. Congratulations!

Brian Sambourne
Date: 4/28/2021 9:29:00 AM

Thank you, Juliet. Addiction is a dark topic indeed. Usually the bleak topics I submit are discarded in contests. Charlotte, however, steps back + evaluates the overall merit of the piece. Sincerest regards, Brian

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 4/27/2021 3:22:00 PM

You have a flair for this style of writing. Very well done, Brian

Brian Sambourne
Date: 4/27/2021 4:08:00 PM

Thank you, Andrea. Your impressive portfolio is truly remarkable. I value your stop by to read my small submissions. You are insightful. Since my attempts at rhyme fall flat, I stick to what I know. Free verse. Be well. Sincere best wishes, Brian

Susan Ashley

Date: 4/25/2021 5:42:00 PM

Dear Brian, the intensity of your poem is tempered by its poignancy. Your poetic pen spills potent imagery of addiction and broken lives with intriguing phrasing, sensory-stirring, edgy artistry and emotional finesse. Congratulations for your excellent win in Charlotte's contest. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Brian Sambourne
Date: 4/25/2021 7:47:00 PM

Hello Susan, Very thoughtful of you to leave such an encouraging message. Thank you. Your submission in Charlotte's contest, " Mirror Of A Son's Eyes" was such a finely crafted, moving piece, worthy of multiple reads. Best wishes, always. Be well. Brian

Regina Mcintosh

Date: 4/25/2021 1:49:00 PM

Wow.. so horribly sad and true about so many lives now... So sad. Congrats God bless you, Love, Gina

Brian Sambourne
Date: 4/25/2021 1:58:00 PM

Thanks very much, Gina. I appreciate your kind remarks. A joyful spring wish to you. Sincerely, Brian

Gary Radice

Date: 4/25/2021 9:58:00 AM

Brian, I'm glad you stuck to your hard hitting writes and weren't deterred by past N/As. "When It's Over" demands attention and re-reading. It pulled me in and made me think. I read it. Thought about it. Read it again - and now I'm thinking about your poem again! It's left an impression - like all good poetry does with me. Cheers - Gary

Brian Sambourne
Date: 4/25/2021 10:45:00 AM

Hi Gary, your detailed note to me is appreciated considerably. Poems on addiction in pandemic times are not on the radar of many readers. Responses such as yours give breath to my pen. Sincerest regards, Brian

Susan Woodrow

Date: 4/25/2021 9:11:00 AM

This write made me think of the substance addictions I've dealt with over the years but coke and heroine are two I never had experience with - in terms of knowing someone with the ills that distort the norm when the cravings hit...great read! :)

Brian Sambourne
Date: 4/25/2021 9:17:00 AM

Thank you, Susan. Your words lift me. Often my tough submissions are shuffled off, but Charlotte is open to wide variances in poetry - which I much value. Thank you again for your kind acknowledgement. Sincerely, Brian

Christuraj Alex

Date: 4/25/2021 5:49:00 AM

Congratulations!

Brian Sambourne
Date: 4/25/2021 8:49:00 AM

Thank you, Christuraj. Very thoughtful of you to post a comment. Be well. Brian

Charlotte Puddifoot

Date: 4/25/2021 4:38:00 AM

unusual wording in this hard hitting piece - love "the stinging centre of body" - each time i reread it i noticed you had changed it slightly - i like that as it shows commitment and drive to perfect the wording! consistent quality writing from you - congrats on your win in my contest!

Brian Sambourne
Date: 4/25/2021 8:46:00 AM

Hello Charlotte, Thanks very much for the high placement in your contest. Often my edgier pieces earn an NA. That was the case with "Life Surfaces." I do edit my submissions often, seeking cliche avoidance. Thank you for your affirming comments. Much appreciated. Best wishes always, Brian