Tonight

Tonight, I do not feel so saved, I do not feel so good or right, Tonight, I feel so close to death, That pains in my heart do not bring me fright, Tonight, I feel like a lost soul, I can’t remember a single thing, That might make some view me wise, Or might make nightingale’s sing, Tonight I am lost, Tonight I am jealous and angry and tired too, Tonight, I do not wish well for many or few, Tonight, I don’t care if the homeless freeze, Or if battered wives perish at the hands of their monsters, Tonight, I read scripture and Jesus seems like an angry, tormented, fool. Tonight, I read Hindu texts and they seem like self-righteous stereo instructions written only for those who meditate ad-nauseum. Tonight I cannot conceive in my heart, Of a God who has loved me from the start, And yet, tonight, I know if death claims me while I sleep, That I go home to a hero’s welcome at my Savior’s seat, For I know that my fickle consciousness, And my even more my fickle mood, Are not what determine my ultimate fate, I know that my goodness is not the measure that God’s uses to assess her love for me even in my abuses, I know with a knowing that goes beyond my soul, That God loves us all like little infant babes, Who sometimes throw temper tantrums and sometimes disobey, That it is truly not that I love God, but that God loves me. And so you see, That is what makes me a universalist, Because I know that all of us are just infants trying the best that we can, And that woman or man, child, or elder, God has a plan for each and every one of us, God loves EACH OF US!!! God loves us not because we think the right things, Or breathe the right way, Or visualize the right images, Or pray the right prayers, God loves us because we are her children!! God will redeem all, not because all seem so redeemable, But because God loves each and every one of us, with the same fervor that he loves Jesus, And yes just like Jesus, some of us for whatever reason may go to a cross, Heck some of us might go to three or four crosses, But in the end, God will succor our wounds and comfort our memories and set us into endless bliss. I am a Universalist to the core of my being, For even when I see no love, I feel no love, I have no love, I know with a knowing that is deeper than my soul, that LOVE IS REAL!! And that GOD IS LOVE!! And that GOD HAS SAVED ALL AND WILL SAVE ALL!!! God will save Satan. God will save every demon, every devil, every jinn, and every false prophet that has ever existed. Because this is God’s nature!! God wills to redeem. And though in the short run God’s will is not always done, In the long run, God’s will is always done. God is redemption!! God is salvation. And Jesus loves me, even if right now I feel like he is a narcissistic egomaniac. It doesn’t matter, Jesus’ thoughts are above my thoughts and his ways are above my ways, And even though right now, I feel pretty dark, He will find a way to lead me to the light again, Because it is not that I love Jesus, but that Jesus loves me. I have failed Jesus so many times. And in my mind, Jesus has failed me just as many, But that cannot change the love between us. For that love is based on a Savior who loves me like he loves his very self. And he is the Quizat Satterach. He is the super being. Tonight, I realize in this darkness of my consciousness. That God has made me into a Universalist through and through. For even now, I know that there is not one creature anywhere who will not be redeemed by her irresistible grace. Right now, I love no one!! Right now, I feel empty!! Right now, I feel no zeal to help a living soul, But right now, God loves me. Right now, God has saved me, Right now, God has a plan for me, Right now, God will not let me forget her incredible plan of redemption for everything!! And even though I am not grateful!! She still delights in me!! Because as beautiful as we are, and we are beautiful creatures, Universalism, Grace, Mercy, they are not about us, they are about a being so beyond us and yet also so stitched to our very essence, that she will love us until the end of time and after that!!! And that is Gospel truth!!