Stricken With Anguished Nausea

Stricken with anguished nausea Written three years ago tomorrow, yet superimposed (likened to emotional palimpsest) upon mental state of yore recent post traumatic stress triggered courtesy war torn legally tendered greenbacks, where enemy bonded, heisted, and netted mine life savings, he (who fabricated conspiracy implicating Citizens Bank employees, whereby I fell for hook, line and sinker) unfailingly didst surrender willingly (figuratively suctioned) hand over fist funds galore at my expense did score leaving me dirt poor subsequently inducing scribe of Schwenksville to be more assertive and contact attorney general in an effort to restore forfeited cash confidence man wrested, plucked, and extracted banknotes wrenched stashed nest egg tucked within secret hideaway under floor. Psyche still particularly riven upon heels of liquidated change spurring yours truly to rattle his virtual tin can since series of unfortunate events doomed harried luckless Perkiomen Valley troubadour reincarnate begging (he gently seeketh financial succor viz gofundme) for largesse. Even before scamming imbroglio, I experienced disillusionment regarding mein kampf and hard times getting older and just scraping by courtesy skin of my false teeth. Impossible mission to avoid senescence, nevertheless, yours truly sought to hold back hands of time, when pubescent metamorphosis occurred (two and a half score years ago) aging petrified me, and imposed (Uriah) heap of great expectations and unwanted responsibilities. In short, I did not want to grow up forced to don mantle of adulthood instead hankered and hungered for fictionally nostalgic boyhood, whereby every day in make believe webbed wide world exemplified hunky dory nirvana. Aside from experiencing adolescent depression demeanor of yours truly, said Lilliputian severely withdrawn. Scapegoat my middle name bullies identified perfect bullseye analogous to trumpeting antagonists me as carnival barker calls out: step right up draw an arrow from quiver take aim at mine plainly affixed target. Deplorable basket case loathed adult role idealized mythical boyhood refrained eating - courtesy anorexia nervosa deprived growing body necessary sustenance scores of Earth orbitz round sun since puberty, now vehemently decry growth process sabotaged self stigmatized stunt(ed) man I stand on tippy toes, (with nails that grow askew), a pygmy among giants. Sadness ofttimes eclipses hijacked and jackknifed joy aware emotional faculty thru conscious facilitated meditation can jar infinitesimally long log jammed damn friggin invisible obstruction along battle creek. Linkedin with recovery coach, I experienced then (that day being July 20th, 2020) around high noon cathartic enlightenment, which revelation heightened awareness how when just a lil lad yours truly exhibited socially withdrawn mean mien mollycoddled by overprotective parents placed no demands upon their sole contemplative introspective, and ruminative non prodigal son, yet upon edging into adulthood (and magical age of eighteen) self same idiosyncratic person (i.e. me) faulted for supposed antipathy toward those who conceived yours truly; I honestly confess lack of genuine interest exhibited toward other family members. Absent marginal positive self image infinitesimal if ever present within grown docile scaredy cat, his informal assignment gently suggested and accepted with little objection courtesy Maggie Jaramillo brainchild social services Creative Health employee. Daily repeated self affirmations (ideally more than once) rapidly jotted down ennobling exercise prompted by aforementioned magnificent therapist strongly suggested technique to seed empowerment fostering joie de vivre. These waning days of mein kampf and hard times flicker with cautious optimism to wax poetic versus referencing anecdotal personal gloom frequently cited sprung from raw bits since powder milk biscuits unknown to yours truly; thee focus of disproportionate maternal and paternal affections unwittingly, unmistakably, and understandably triggered sibling resentment no matter brother where art thou among self and two sisters not deliberately, but inadvertently created, fomented, incited, loosed... genies of envy, jealousy, ornery... out the bottle an immediately recalled realization during my formative years never known to yours truly then only recounted decades ex post facto courtesy mother some months prior to her death.