Searching
Floating, hovering like a dragonfly
in search of a safe landing place.
Roaming, travelling, never settling,
in constant fear of desolation.
No beginning, and no end in sight -
- suspended animation - certain of my creation,
but hanging like a mist or balanced
like a spider on its gossamer web.
Unconditional love did not exist for me:
there was always a condition.
Insecure security - no blood ties you see.
No sense of belonging, so belonging nowhere.
The illusion was there
and I believed it for a while.
My childhood innocence allowed me that,
but now, in callous adulthood, I am spared no pain.
In harsh reality, cold light of day,
the truth is stark: I was abandoned,
given birth to and relinquished
for no reasons known to me.
No explanation given. No excuses.
An inebriated memory, or a raped repugnance.
Yes, an unhappy, irritating accident probably.
Born and gone - out of sight and out of mind.
The effects of that inauguration
are hardly ever seen - they're privately
wept for; written about; drunkenly
discussed at dinner, or in times of
despondency, dwelt unhealthily upon,
when their deep-seatedness shallows
into consciousness and lurches from
my dreams into reality - forcing face-to-face
acknowledgement that I was not
meant to be: that my existence was
a nuisance, a niggling inconvenience
to be discarded heartlessly.
Copyright © Helen J Radford | Year Posted 2008
Post Comments
Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.
Please
Login
to post a comment