Recovery

loneliness doesn't torment, it matures. so you must make the sun your lover.* nothing in sight. my heart whispers, "thank you." how can it say this? why does it cut? can anything afflict when everything already does? my lover is watching. glass. steps concrete doors razors. keys.a needle. my lover watches me. can i meet the stare? can i raise my eyes and let my bones melt? i see someone over there in the corner sobbing. this is holy ground. i traded the surreal. now i can feel the chain link and cuffs and shackles is this what it feels like to feel? the darkness was horror. i stood paralyzed, engulfed by terror. is it endless? surely it must be endless. You told me you would meet me there. You would walk with me. then you swallowed the pills. you covered your face with the party mask and attached the hose, filling your lungs with helium. You are asleep. the note said sorry, but you wanted this since you were five years old. is this what it feels like to feel? do you also feel cold steel around your wrists and ankles? i will meet you there not in shadow, but sunlight. this is holy ground, *first 2 lines adapted from Nietzsche