Old Jake the Critter Lover-A Parody

Old Jake lived a mile or so below the falls. He wasn’t a hermit, or any other sect or sort. He was just an old man; though always alone. Well, except for the critters. They were not remarkable, just - - -many and they all adored old Jake. He didn’t even have to feed them. Only gave them what they needed most---love. Oh, the whole crowd needed companionship! Or, so it seemed. That one small cabin? A six hundred pound bear is a bit much!! least in my humble opinion. Then consider the raccoon ! The sucker fusses and complains all day, all night twenty four-seven. The covey of pigeons were good about cooing him to sleep but ‘twearnt worth NO dad gum roosting on the porch rail !!!!!! Geez!! The hose is not long enough to drag around to the front steps; much less scour that whole rail “on and under it”, the whole width of the house--every day! That fox!! Slick as a whistle and he will lie in a skinny minute-- And we have yet to find any sign of the gone gosling ! Who else would do such a thing? I know every family has problems, but most can be fixed with a little think through: common sense and resolve. Let’s all work on it----who knows? One might find, that the powers which be, can take a hint from the common man for a change. ‘stead of vice versa.