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Last First Draft

Massing waves drummed offshore
Above them a partnered wind blew
Together they prepared to war
Against what I once knew

The dark and cold green vastness 
Carried forward my waterloo 
Upon the rocks it did press
Against what I once knew

Then a gray shadowed the land 
Coloring my thought of you 
And as the waves broke across the sand
They removed all I once knew

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Suzette Richards

Date: 2/11/2024 2:43:00 AM

Congratulations on your win in my First Draft contest with this Rhyme, Jerry. These examples of rhyme can be found in the wild, and they had set my teeth on edge, for example, rhyming ‘vastness’ with its unstressed final syllable, with the stressed syllable word ‘press’, etc – a very good execution of the contest, First Draft, brief. The engaging content has precedence over the errors. The irony of your title was not amiss. ~Suzette

Jerry Hackett
Date: 2/11/2024 3:59:00 PM

Thank you

Linda Alice Fowler

Date: 2/10/2024 1:35:00 PM

Very thought-provoking Jerry. Congratulations! :)

Jerry Hackett
Date: 2/11/2024 3:59:00 PM

Thank you