Home » Poems » Jerry Hackett » Last First Draft

Last First Draft

Massing waves drummed offshore Above them a partnered wind blew Together they prepared to war Against what I once knew The dark and cold green vastness Carried forward my waterloo Upon the rocks it did press Against what I once knew Then a gray shadowed the land Coloring my thought of you And as the waves broke across the sand They removed all I once knew

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

Suzette Richards

Date: 2/11/2024 2:43:00 AM

Congratulations on your win in my First Draft contest with this Rhyme, Jerry. These examples of rhyme can be found in the wild, and they had set my teeth on edge, for example, rhyming ‘vastness’ with its unstressed final syllable, with the stressed syllable word ‘press’, etc – a very good execution of the contest, First Draft, brief. The engaging content has precedence over the errors. The irony of your title was not amiss. ~Suzette

Jerry Hackett
Date: 2/11/2024 3:59:00 PM

Thank you

Linda Alice Fowler

Date: 2/10/2024 1:35:00 PM

Very thought-provoking Jerry. Congratulations! :)

Jerry Hackett
Date: 2/11/2024 3:59:00 PM

Thank you