Lack of Purpose

Warning, this describes a lot of my thoughts and feelings with regards to a time when I was in a very dark place. I've called this poem Lack of Purpose. You'll see why if you read it. I hope this helps some people become aware of what it can feel like to be depressed and suicidal. I won't tell you to enjoy it, because it's not really meant to be enjoyed. Lack of Purpose People will often ask children, What do you want to do, When you grow up. It's very common. Children from a young age Are encouraged and told To find a goal, a dream To make their very own. Some excel at it, driven. And then there are others that drift through life And struggle to take hold To find a dream, a goal To make come true, "I don't know what I want to do." Is something I often said. And yet, without that dream Without that goal, to obtain People begin to lose purpose They begin to question life, Their very existence even. "Why was I born?" "I'm nothing special." We begin to feel lost Loss of hope for the future. We begin to question Our self worth, What we can offer to the world And sometimes, we think Can I even do anything? We doubt our abilities And eventually believe That we are worthless. These questions can lead to the dark It's these questions that spark The cold depression inside The loneliness and despair So eager a victim to find At this point, we realise That we are lost, without direction Lost, and don't know where to go And so, lost we remain. Circling around and around inside The vicious dark cycle begins. We may try to find some light Some small spark or flame To light our dreary darkness Some succeed, some do not. Our thoughts become our prison Shackled by our pain, doubt and fear Lost deep, within the prison of the mind Hollow, empty, but a shell of a person. Conversation with others becomes dull We begin to feel disconnected, alienated. And even though we have loved ones To watch and care for us We begin to feel like we are a burden We begin to think that the world Would be a better place without us. And eventually, we feel that nothing Will ever change these feelings inside At this point, we contemplate suicide. Some are strong enough, put the knife down And say inside themselves, Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Yet others, crumble and precious life is lost. And to think that at the end of the day It all started with a lack of purpose.