In a Bed Full of Toxic Spikes

somehow i lost myself right now i have no feeling in this moment i lose myself in the façade that includes her my one true love is waiting for me i am too much of a coward to tell her that i will not be coming back our son has had quite the battle with spinal meningitis last night he called and said his chills were at that level again i never returned his message for i was too busy indulging on cake with immoral icing i am only thinking of me and the reflection i see in the mirror i only think my son will hate me when he is older when i am dreaming i want to pay my son a visit and surprise him with my cinnamon rolls with the sweet cream stripes that he likes however guilt is kicking my butt right now, and i am so weak that i cannot even fight back i find myself backtracking without even knowing it and end up at the she devil's house again as she straddles me for another ride to self made regret, i blind myself in the temporary ecstasy to get my conscience high and oblivious to a truth that is so obvious i lose again