Fear That Takes a Home

i hesitate from getting up from the puddle i had fallen down in during the rain. my foot had slipped leaving me covered in soil and water i imagined going quietly insane. a gun shot took the life force of a friend today. i stood shakily in dirty wet shoes. no one knew yet but the likes of me. i would be to some the bearer of bad news. she had been the recipient of his increasing love and the frequent subject of his airbrush art. arriving at the scene, i had been essential for the law to question. i told them i thought it was a matter of the heart. in a daze, i shivered under my black umbrella timorously walking wondering who was really to blame. maybe i should have said something to him the day before. maybe things would still be the same. i wanted it to be over -- this grieving, before i reached home -- away a taunting eternity. unsure tears co-mingled with the erasing rain, but more guilt would come after achieving emotional empty.