Dealt With My Cards Irrationally

I have heard that you lived a successful, surreal and spectacular lifetime I have heard that you given it your all and dealt with your cards so fine I have heard that you are beyond intelligent than what I have become I have heard that you are fond of many people and get along with them unlike some I have heard that I have dealt with my cards in life irrationally I guess I heard it through the strawberry vines and the kumquats of chaos grew wild from within…where to begin when this life is a hard pill to swallow? I have heard that I have felt your presence in my life gratefully I suppose I am an absurd bird through the vines of snow peas that taste so good and mild…pleasure and self-gratification tries to attack me again…I feel so hallow… Empty and numb, Lord, so satisfy me Empty and numb, Lord, so begin me Empty and numb, Lord, so end this temporary, headstrong pain Empty and numb, Lord, I’m lost in my turmoil-terrifying brain Complete me, Father of truth, or I’ll be nestled in my negativity’s lullabies I don’t want to give in to Satan’s lies Dealt with my cards irrationally I’m sorry for everything honestly Heal me Forgive me Set me free Have mercy I want to engage in His Word My plea Is for You to free me Suffering greatly I want You and Your Wisdom badly Your kingdom come… Your kind-hearted, painless knowledge doesn’t put me on edge My attention is on Your throne of desirable drive of motivation Let that sink in… Lord, You love me unlike any other I’m longing for Your hope to adore me I’m belonging in Your wisdom of liberty Baby, oh baby, don’t cry me a river today Because you lied to me that you loved me that way… Someday, I’ll be truly free, but never weigh me down in frustration Some say It takes forever to receive His glory and gratification But, I want to learn more about His truth forevermore I want to burn like a fire does and churn like a river does But don’t reduce me to dust… Lord, lust is not a must… It’s killing me softly I’ve dealt with my cards irrationally I’m sorry… Will you forgive me? Why me? Why do I have to run out of time? Why me? Why do I have to be in this cell of all alone? Why me? Why do I have to call shotgun to share His happiness with others? I’m so selfish… I’m in anguish But, I want to be selfless and regardless of my faults of youth, I want to learn His truth Throw me to the ocean of emotional commotion And I’ll bring back His quietude Because, in vain, I long for His gratitude attitude It’s a notion that brews like a witch’s potion I’ve done the Ouija board and I’m sorry I’ve saw others do terot cards of plenty Deliver me from paganism from within me Repenting is difficult but it’s the only way I can be truly, sincerely free Blessings and miracles swarm around me like a pack of wolves in the snow of my grief-stricken ways… It will take days For me to recover entirely So, love me eternally… Love me for an eternity Lament lured me in I’m deeply sorry, I am Sorrow of yesterday’s tomorrow — where do I begin? I am a long-lost lamb Can you see me through my pain? My…pain…is…driving me insane If so, please heal me if you may and I will behave Can you feel me through these unspoken words of dismaying disdain? Vain gain, again, drove me to the unholy grave