Cry

Tonight, I cry for myself I cry because I’m feeling so hopeless, helpless and lost Maybe it sounds absurd, but I need to reset To release, to be able to raise my spirits again It’s sad how everything turned out to be A reality I can’t run away from, I can’t hide and I am so tired of confrontation Exhausting to keep up a brave face during the day, to be strong for other people But, in the midnight hours, I smother my sobs in my pillow, like so often before Where no one can hear; no one can see I feel ashamed, for I am so blessed; I have so much to be thankful for, but Tonight I am overcome with feelings of sadness and uncertainty What I long for will remain an illusion, a dream unable to be brought to life My dreams are not those lined out in the stars My needs, my desires not to be met and fulfilled on this earth I have to find a way to make peace, no matter how difficult or impossible it seems I need to find a way to live, to be able to live my life with the least regrets and most memories Even if it means to be a false prophet in my own eyes, when they stare back at me in the mirror I need to sacrifice who and what I want, to be able to find peace within my core Some kind of satisfaction, to make sense of my being here I cry for my soul that’ll be terminated when I lay my head down for the last time No more changes of life to be lived again I can’t ignore who I am, the choices I have made, get away from my responsibilities I have made a vow as a wife and mother, to give my best Although it often feel I’m am failing At least no one can take away my spirit I feel broken, my heart’s aching Tonight I need to cry; to release all the hurt inside to be able to continue being strong Strong for myself, for my children I find comfort in simple things: My children’s laughter, my cats, a song, a bright blue sunny sky, a full moon That is what’s helping me keep my sanity I cry because sometimes the unbearable weight of being gets too heavy to carry on my own I cry because I have to draw strength from deep within myself to keep up this charade To believe I was born for a reason, to mean something lasting to someone To leave a shadow, not cast one I cry because the loneliness sometimes threaten to overwhelm me Slowly clawing and gnawing at my heart But I need to face the music This is my reality and I have to make do with it on my own I cry because I can’t stand the hurting or to be pained again Maybe it can be my survival strategy; To shut myself to humankind from now on In the end it is a lot of words for something (maybe) quite simple…for what I want, I can’t have What I need for my own peace of mind and salvation might be the answer to accept the things seemingly unchangeable I’ll cry, I’ll lose myself for a while And when I look up, I’ll be able to face myself again At least for a while