Comfort In a Cookie

I swear there’s no heaven I’m just twenty seven Two toddlers, never married Two fathers, my life far too harried I bartend and wait tables My life doesn’t resemble storybook fables I live stressed out with fatigue I often wonder if I’m out of my league The speed of life too fast So many responsibilities have me gassed Two young lives depend on me for their future Keeping my job, paying my bills, where’s the adventure Just a short escape every now and then A shot, hit or bump Anything to rescue me from this slump No one will know I’ll be smart, I’ll start out slow A surefire way to bring relief, a moment of peace The mayhem of life will begin to cease My son taunts his sister without meaning She sits, face flush, tears streaming while screaming Five or six bumps, eight shots of whiskey My mind, slowly overcome wanders dreamily Standing only in bra and panties I run my fingers through dirty hair Glancing vaguely at my children I become unaware My eyes sparkle, forehead dampens, jaw slackens I pray for a priest to hear my confessions I stumble sideways Colors blurring becoming only grays I hear my little girl sobbing Her brother tormenting The grays become white as I stare in their direction For me, this crisis is a holy moment of inflection An outline takes shape in blinding white light I’m at peace, without feeling fright Eventually I see myself when only eight, a humbling sight I watch as my memories flood the room Such peace of mind as if back in the womb I see my childhood past, so innocent A time before being subjected to judgment No responsibility Everyone loved me Life so simple, joyous and free So simple I revel in staying up past eight So simple a bubble bath is my best playmate Such vibrant fairy tales my mind would create The days before school when learning brought glee When thunder scared me and lightening dared me When grandpa's beard was a scruffy toy When my teddy bear meant great joy Look there, I’m playing with my dog, pretending to be one And there, I carelessly dance under a summer sun I remember how I felt and now openly question why I need A bump and shot enabling the next day to proceed Lying prone upon the floor I must have passed out Complete silence, nothing close to a shout My little girl, my little boy, sitting at my side Each having my hand in theirs, wishing all of us could hide Both with a single tear slowly streaming from an eye Somehow I’ve returned During my pilgrimage, there’s so much I’ve learned Nothing will take me from my children I choose to mend my life that has been broken I’m no longer a child But I can believe life’s simple pleasures are no less wild So many little things can set me free Sending me upon a different life journey Elusive happiness just might be found, by things like finding Comfort in a cookie