Am I Crazy?

Am I crazy if it’s been five years and I still expect you to walk through the door? If I can’t give away your clothes because you might need them? Am I over the line if I fantasize that your treatment worked and you never died at all? And I laugh with you over breakfast while we sip coffee as we always did? I’m afraid to tell people that I saw a perfect birthday gift for you and thought I should buy it. And that I can’t stop thinking about the trip to the Bahamas we always wanted to go on and that this winter would be the perfect time. Letting go is harder than I ever imagined and I don’t want to. If this is crazy then please let me be mad.