Although After Whereas
Although I sit on a long brass plank
of scarlet with gold trim
eyes wide shut
hands clamped tightly together
knees smashed feet planted
a thousand-pound force keeping
me grounded
only thing that is free is my mind
where dozens of scenarios play out in my head
about what this moment
is supposed to represent
what this moment
is supposed to bring
what this moment
means to different
people who all look like rich
statues with anguish smeared across their faces
like a bloody nose from a sixth-grade nerd after school
and as I imagine these
people who follow
B. L. I. N. D. L. Y
I realize
I am too young to make a decision
but really
I am the one who seems competent
moans crying-wolf
hearts on sleeves
onion thin paper read deeply by one
while thousands hang on the words like
paperclipped epiphany
a bright red metal against white purity
of the manuscript
hope in the eyes but no hope in the heart seeking atonement
bloodshot disappointment
dripping from their brow
the sweat collecting
in a cesspool
of their collar
forgiveness
isn’t a gift it’s a must
and the forgetting
is standard practice in which I cannot be ok with
submission
is not my friend because I am a rebel woman
when not even the men
know what it means to bow down
and as the final
amen escapes
the lips of the wolf dressed in lies
and I look around give it one final thought
the practice stops at the door
and repeated
only in these walls
and the air escapes my lungs
in a desperate
attempt
to
breathe
the final bit of comfort that this is finally over,
I know I am the only person going in and coming out the same.
Copyright © Elizabeth Duran | Year Posted 2019
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