Although After Whereas

Although I sit on a long brass plank of scarlet with gold trim eyes wide shut hands clamped tightly together knees smashed feet planted a thousand-pound force keeping me grounded only thing that is free is my mind where dozens of scenarios play out in my head about what this moment is supposed to represent what this moment is supposed to bring what this moment means to different people who all look like rich statues with anguish smeared across their faces like a bloody nose from a sixth-grade nerd after school and as I imagine these people who follow B. L. I. N. D. L. Y I realize I am too young to make a decision but really I am the one who seems competent moans crying-wolf hearts on sleeves onion thin paper read deeply by one while thousands hang on the words like paperclipped epiphany a bright red metal against white purity of the manuscript hope in the eyes but no hope in the heart seeking atonement bloodshot disappointment dripping from their brow the sweat collecting in a cesspool of their collar forgiveness isn’t a gift it’s a must and the forgetting is standard practice in which I cannot be ok with submission is not my friend because I am a rebel woman when not even the men know what it means to bow down and as the final amen escapes the lips of the wolf dressed in lies and I look around give it one final thought the practice stops at the door and repeated only in these walls and the air escapes my lungs in a desperate attempt to breathe the final bit of comfort that this is finally over, I know I am the only person going in and coming out the same.