Alien Instructions Upon Landing

When you find a marble in your hand or head (And you will because it will be roundish) Hurl it immediately at humans to get attention It is abnormal to own an unhurled marble Unheard of and Earthlings get suspicious When you don't fling things in their direction Never take your head off in public or at bus stops Keep them on a table next to the oatmeal box Face North towards traffic when on highways Get out of your car for best results at night Avoid tickets and crashes when necessary Eventually you will get caught because The third eye on your forehead stands out You could end up in Arizona dissected on a slab Placed on a petri dish for inspection or worse On the menu in a California restaurant As the dinner spaceman specimen special Beware of duck tape and duct tape as they are confusing Avoid long tubes and walks in the park due to muggings Keep an abundant amount of wallets in your pouch These savages use probes in unheard of places Stay clear from girls named Sue or Bob Hide your space craft in a corn field or swamp Never at a parking spot without exact change You will be ticketed and towed at owners expense Never use a cemetery without a shovel and map Never drink the water in foreign lands or planets Shave only in the dark with blazing lasers If you must use a toilet lift the seat Leave the light on in case of emergencies These creatures are heathens with sharp teeth Some go to church or bark at the moon Hands are used for working and picking noses (Read about noses in the manual) If you can't find it use the hand book on faces Or Google it on Facebook if you are lazy Feet are used for walking (Don't talk to them) English is a second language so use it twice Be normal because insanity is not nice It is not polite to call people crazy but do it anyway If you must mate outside your species use protection Scanners work best for ladies Hammers and nails for men If you forget their names call them “Hey you.” The best advice on blending in with humans is; Look them in the two eyes on their faces Don't look for another one or ask if they misplaced it (Eyes are not to be confused with marbles) Say hello and rob them when they sleep Look both ways when stepping into traffic If you get hit call for backup If you get arrested (And you will) Use your visas and say you are from France (Without a speech impediment from Mars) Everyone loves the French and their foreign fries It is good to have an alibi when coming from the sky