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Autumn Atonement
Face to the sky, Breath of the Caribbean Woven with earthy Autumn, Saturates the alveoli of my lungs, Pouring raw impulses into the neurons of My pleasure centers, so triggering a myriad of Memories ... the demurring requiem to summer tide ... The worries and joys of back-to-school preoccupations ... Hours spent raking the crisp colors into sloppy pyramids, (only to Ruin the chore with swan dives and somersaults) ... a pick-up game of Football with the kids up the road, bones rattling with every jarring Impact ... rekindled liaisons amidst a sea of oranges, reds, Yellows, and browns ... sinking droughty teeth into The juiciest of apples, born from the branch In an algid tenth-month deluge ... the Dreamy dance of costumed kids Chasing the harvest moon For a copious cache Of candy treats. The aroma of the air Harkens all these thoughts In an instant, and whisks me there In a timeless surge of thoughts, then back Again as quickly. Arms spread out to my sides And hands dangling from the wrist as if on a cross ... (A brief smile at that - crucified by self-pity - the irony is Not lost on my odd sense of humor), eyelid-clasped face to the Sky and perched barefoot on the rain-soaked deck, the tropical storm winds Buffet me to-and-fro like a wooden puppet. I'm a child again, (it's not a long walk for me), And I'm wishing THAT wish, the wish that if you concentrate hard enough, And fill your heart full enough, and promise God sincerely enough, That no matter WHAT you wish or desire, it WILL come True ... you believe it with every fibre, and as long as Your eyes are closed it might just as well have Happened, (cuz like Schroedinger's cat, Until something's observed to NOT Be true, it's just as good As the truth, right?). But this time, instead Of wishing for Santa Claus To bring me that one present that Seems outside the realm of possibility, Or wishing for my bed to fly through the moonlit Night sky, (electric blanket and all), or wishing for my Family and pets to live forever, or wishing for that certain girl To notice me at lunch or kiss me at the movies, or wishing for the Pain behind my eye to go away, or wishing for the years to fly by so I can Finally be called a "teenager", or wishing for the braces to be gone from my teeth Forever, THIS time I'm wishing with all I am to be naught but the wind ... Wishing to be dissolved into the very smallest, most insignificant Particles possible ... wishing for the wind to sweep me up As itself and carry me to nothingness ... wishing to Become as much a part of the Earth as the Earth itself ... wishing that I become Nothing more than the aroma In my senses, (a heavenly Redolence born of the Caribbean Sea. Carried northward ... Over the Atlantic and ashore To mix wondrously with the crisp, Earthy scents of Fall), as wispy and Infinitesimal and oblivious, made only of energy And nebulous matter, no conscious thought or care to Tarry with ... no worries or expectations or responsibilities, Yearning only for the sea whence it came. This wish is so pure, so Visceral, so complete that it carries all my emotion with it, carries itself in The water from my eyes that I squeeze out with the strength of my closed eyelids. I am that child again, wishing with all I am, but my wish is not a childish, it Is born of all of life's pains and losses and failures and yes, successes Even, (for those successes are not of ME, they're of the wishes Of others FOR me, and they are lies). But mostly they Are born of YOU. You and all our words of the Future, life together, music shared as The same spirit, and the moon, Wrapped around our skin, Our pale moon. The same moon that Baptized our love before we Even knew what to call it, that Bathed us in it's permissions before we were even WE, that held us always after, that Seduced me with the warm completeness of flowing up Into your soul, being carried on a stream of passion that carries Us as the same thought to that place unspeakable, where we are so Close that there is no definition of who we are separately, where we are so Much one being that we almost feel alone, where we are so joined that we nearly Fear loneliness, but welcome all that has brought us here, and that sacred Place where we are brought afterward, where the joy and elation of Having been a singular soul holds us in the most blissful comfort We've ever known, and wraps us, now once again you And I, in a comfort and elation and peace that Compares with no other, that is timeless And boundless and hopeful, That is filled with only Us, you and I. Bathed in that same Moonlight that knew us before We knew US, that knew we would One day be here, and reserved these very Beams for us, to wrap our bodies and our joy and Our love in. This wish is born of all that, mostly that, And more ... the little things like how amazing it was that The spaces between your fingers fit mine so perfectly, how your Smile warmed my heart with it's every appearance, many small sunrises Throughout the day and night, that were even more hopeful and meaningful than the Sunrise of morning itself. How the sound of your voice whispering my name Sent an electric chill to my heart and my dermis, how every time we Sang together we knew without speaking what the other was Going to do next, and anticipated those changes with a Timing that was as one, (another river we flowed up Together, a river of music), and how our bodies Fit together as though god had known Before creation that we would one Day know the perfection of Each other's contours. (continued)
Copyright © 2024 Gregory Richard Barden. All Rights Reserved

Book: Shattered Sighs