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Losing Anastasia
Detrimental, this situation...so detrimental Why, why do I even persist; why do I even bother to contend to be a contender, the defender in this pointless game Am I the pretender, pretending nothing affects me like a contagious infectious disease No, my rouse is clear; I'm made of glass, so easily shattered Dealing with this...suffering through this... struggling, fighting for this... cuts me so deep, so deep right at the knees I am restrained, chained; bound to a fence post hands tied behind me preventing myself from ripping out my own eyes avoidance at gazing, enraging at the horrific scene of losing Anastasia...losing Anastasia Anastasia...the glistening spark now wavering shimmering into oblivion as the days commence further and further Why, why do we hold a play of charades in front of the crowd in front of ourselves though apart, we take off our costumes and continue bickering over the same subject like some sick nightmare Some try to point the blame at me How, why am I the main target Is it all my fault I only wanted to find a way within her heart Is it all my fault I wanted to be with her because she intrigues me a well sculpted enigma I can't put together How is it all my fault when I had no previous knowledge I'd be fighting a war, stressing so much I'm turning gray my anger seeping out, getting the best of me while I pace floors the contents of my inner thoughts spilling onto paper overflowing the lines, too fast and too much the product of my mind puking all to hold onto Anastasia...Anastasia... My only goal was to make her happy, the happiest she could ever be to let this relationship mean something something fond to look back to and smile at but she won't give way, she won't give reason I defy her commands to let go suffer the consequences of her silence She continues to push me into moving traffic throw me under the bus We don't even speak when we're in each other's presence we just hold each other between the space of forever and never and kiss for the stars to find our answers, make our wishes real I see nothing when I'm away from her I'm dazed, troubled, unresponsive not because I have nothing left to say not because I don't care but because I'm giving up ever so slowly on being a hero giving up, giving up completely on everything I've tried to be It's a tug-o-war and it's become a stalemate I refuse to let what we have become irrelevant, become nothing but what's the use, what's the point if she insists on termination...if she insists on termination... Am I the only one questioning the reasoning behind our union if it's slowly deteriorating into stardust It doesn't take a scientist, a rocket engineer to describe for me I don't need anyone else feeding me the same tired advice which I'd toss away bitterly, tenaciously I called it when the problems started it was long over before it began She's the knife in my ribs, oddly comfortable the tattoo I was desperately wanting to keep She was, at least in my mind, the angel I wanted to see daily but she let them rust, walked away in disgust my reason for swimming upstream Curse of the poet, I point all the blame in its direction It's a fable, a myth, an illusion I created still I curse the curse since I can't point the blame anywhere else but the hate turns onto myself once again No amount of words from a contradiction can save me It's like I've died 999 deaths one more day feeling like this and death finally won It will be the death of something never established the death of something futurely beautiful The purpose of us being together defeated in combat..defeated... ...and so am I ...and so am I
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