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These thoughts i have of you in my head.
I want them gone and dead.
In the past for you i bled.
I wanna take all our memories and shred.
This feeling is the one i dread.
Look at my wrists all you see is red.
In my mind when i looked ahead,
I imagined us together forever
and one day wed.
I wanted us to share everything even a last name.
I know that will never happen and in my heart i feel to blame.
I admit i made mistakes but i can't take them back, then reclaim;
That feeling, Why didnt you ever feel the same?
Everything we went through was all in vain.
After that week nothing was ever the same.
What happened to us and our precious flame?
It was smothered now i have to exclaim!
I don't like what you made me, what i became.
Now theres a gun in my throat its time i was in control, i took aim.
One click could stain the wall with my brain.
Id be gone but so would the pain.
For me this is the biggest decision that will ever be made.
I'm shaking this is the end and i'm so afraid.
Wait, this isn't the right choice to be made.
My suicide has been slowly delayed.
If i ask, can you explain?
how was i the main source of your depression, your pain?
It was you and your actions
That I tried to constrain.
Why do i still have this feeling in my heart, why does it remain?
I mean were over so why is there still a stain?
I apologize for my words and actions being so deign.
I mean I gave you everything but it was all in vain.
Now after you answer my questions they'll be nothing left to explain.
I just hope you can sustain,
All of the thoughts of hate in my brain.
Remember That night everything changed?
Ill never forget, when you took those pills to get rid of the pain.
Then, you parked and passed out on the tracks but nothing came.
Now sometimes i wish, I would’ve prayed for a train.
[pause in beat-train horn gets louder and louder-train passes-bang/car crash noise]
When I asked you why you said heaven would be a better place.
I just imagined you waiting in a cold lifeless embrace.
And you praying by yourself as if you were saying grace.
You didn't know what was going to happen so you said it just in case.
Savannah, i love you but lets touch base .
You are a disgrace.
I know you know it i can tell by the look on your face.
Thats why you did it,
you wanted every mistake you've ever made to be erased.
It would have been such a waste.
It wasn't me, it was everything you've done that has made your smile displaced.
All i wanted was to change your frowns direction and bring life to your lifeless complexion.
So, i guess i can't be your savior and be the correction, for your mistakes and imperfections.
I tried to give you everything all you gave me was pain and disaffection.
I thought we had something more than a connection.
But, now ive realized that what i thought was love was an infection.
You gave it to me like an injection.
Your sadness and depression was your fault to my recollection.
Id like to say Im a man of my word as an interjection.
My words have caused a mental break through.
Now, I understand theres nothing left to question or construe.
The reason for my pain and everything i went through.
Was to break me so, for the suffering savannah I thank you.
I had to break to become anew.
I have found who i was destined to be.
I am B, he is my true identity.
For now I let my thoughts run endlessly, as they come together to create a perplexity.
My pain is over what's left is me with the feeling of joy and serenity.
I realized i can't change it, just like me. I know this is how it was meant to be.
You see, this is how it was meant to be..
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