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50's and 60's Weird TV on Channel Three - Part 1
I think I must be seeing things Before me stand the four of kings, They shuffle when the Bishop brings Annette upon nine raven wings And Beanie rides a sea serpent And wonders where the yellow went; I go to pay the next day’s rent, Where have they taken my new tent? The bandstand kids look like Dick Clark, Turn on the lights, I’m in the dark, I’m standing in Grand Central Park, A worm has caught a purple lark And Kookie has run out of combs So rents out rooms in old maid’s homes, He has B.O. where ere he roams So buys some spray and sells his tomes, To your friend Ralph, yes you know who, The one who should be in a zoo; He sells used cars upon the tube To each and every simple boob And if he gives you stomach ache Then Alkaseltzer’s what you take And Bufferin too if you’re a rake, Thus hath the Johnny Carson spake Do I need a cigarette? A camel says before me yet ‘yes, Luckys is the brand to get, Be a he man, don’t you fret’ ‘there must be worser ways to die So buy brand X, give it a try’; Just then another bird walks up And asks me what I feed my pup Then puts a nickel in my cup And tells me I am full of crup Of where I am, I’m unaware; Why are the people all so square? Who is standing over there? He says he’s here to take my fare But I’m not going anywhere, Besides I feel my pockets bare ‘Well then I guess you must have paid’ At this I start to get afraid, I think my mind will start to fade, Then Hogen’s Heros make a raid, Upon my sensibilities And now it’s clear why each eye sees So many people climbing trees; It aint because of hungry fleas As Tarzan swings upon a rope I find I start to give up hope; Jack Webb has started smoking dope So now the crooks no longer mope And Perry Mason kicks a judge But finds the law will never budge Unless big business gives a nudge To Popeye selling ice cream fudge At this I really have to rush To our old john so I can flush So far away this vacant mush Before my teeth I start to brush Then Josephine comes to my view And says ‘I want to talk to you Have you scrubbed your sink anew? Your mop I think needs some shampoo’ I said ‘I think you are the plumber And no one else was ever dumber You’ve put me on another bummer’ My feelings start to get much number continued in part 2>
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