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ALLOWED HIM NO LATITUDE
Andy, professional cartographer, adored his maps,
Valued them more than anything perhaps
As any cartographer would
As all cartographers should -
Lovingly drawing his Italy, boot-like,
Old outlines of the then Third Reich,
And his Mississippi River with every meander,
And every place he ever could wander .
But his rival cartographer Giovanni
After penciling in the River Suwannee
Called on Andy, his details to consult.
Andy was affronted and angered at the insult.
Freely sharing his geographical skills
Was not the best way of paying his bills.
Andy refused to show Giovanni his map
The latter said - well ok, your maps are just crap!
Over Turkey’s Cape Helles they struggled and fought
As any zealous cartographers ought
And Andy shoved the Alaska Panhandle
Up Giovanni’s nose, who then began to manhandle
The whole of Siberia and some of Iberia
And the Bay of Bengal over Andy, who was wearier.
Getting tired, and in defence of his maps
Andy, feeling he was close to collapse,
Grabbed Europe and wrapped it round the neck
Of Gio, who soon choked and died, with the Czech
Republic and parts of the Isle of Belmullet
Stopping the airflow in his gullet.
Then poor Andy, clutching maps of the Slavic Race
Also dropped dead, but with a smile on his face.
Two happy men who gave their all
For the Suwannee River and the Bay of Bengal.
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Entered in Natalie The Rogue Rhymer’s Contest : Die A 'Fun' Death
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