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Intrusive Thoughts
I have a voice within my mind that never stops talking, it is rattling and annoying and intrusive most of the time: though, at times it speaks to me of random memories, like the smell of grandma's cookies with hints of chocolate; or the feel of my baby's soft downy hair. But, there are moments when my voice is hateful to me, telling me that I should do this or that now: its voice rough, unfriendly, cold, yelling, and full of hate, and I just wish it to stay quiet, depart, leave me alone; then, it can be smooth and soothing. At times, the voice is a whisper or a murmur drifting, like the sound of music enthralling me to listen: the air around me seems to smell like lavender scents, and I hear the laughter of a little girl, me, as I run; down a street of my past memories. The voice invades my dreams at night disturbing me, it says remove your fuzzy blanket and venture outside; why, I ask, JUST DO IT, the voice yells loudly insisting, outside in my dream, and put my hands in the snow, cold, like stabbing me with a thousand needles. The voice has no face, I have no concept if female or male, is it a friend or foe, although, it can help me write: most of the time it makes me feel sad, it is seldom positive, I have tried methods to push it away, but it creeps back; guess, it is just piece of me. When it is just chattering away with negativity, I shout at it (was that a real yell) to go away please: and I imagine it whimpers and crawls away for a time, only to return with its intrusive low voice in my mind; on and on, but, I am not listening today.
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Book: Reflection on the Important Things