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Enter Poem or Quote (Required)Required Why do evil exist why do people expose domestic violence victims to their abusers to cause harm shame to relive terrible pains I will never understand how we seek shelter hide like spies an yet there it is big hat sunglasses fear bondage he’s parked more vicious what does he even want I left screaming crying wishing my father was still here I am that little girl again I miss my father bandaging my scrapes cuts icing my bruises I fled the abuse my abusive husband’s had caused more harm than imagined when the FBI told me they were setting fires for Gargano 8 persons died finally 1998 victim 9 secrets I couldn’t say the word fire matches or repeat the word arson beatings pushing shoving burns a pot of coffee thrown on me right after I’d given birth devastated trying to removing scolding coffee grinds from wounds on my side rocking blaming myself for agreeing to wear wires pregnant for the Fbi buying weapons and drugs from junk sick officers I can’t breathe it’s okay but it’s not I’m broken into hiding behind drapes again make it stop make it stop my chest hurt anxiety panic disorder can you even imagine chronic panic disorder afraid to go for a walk afraid to be alone so i write it helps soothe me some I just couldn’t imagine them killing anybody other than me I felt the blows I still here the Fbi agents your husbands set a fire for Gargano elderly people died and then thee ultimate years later new abusive husband became a copy cat arsonist he was being blackmailed by Gargano over a car payment for a paper tag I knew he was afraid his gesture it wasn’t until more smoke the smell of soot again Gargano returned victim 9 lay breathless unbelievable I knew they would all kill me threats of framing me for 9 murders because I listened wrote in a journal piecing this together through the years over and over again Fbi do you know your husband set a blaze elderly people died what do you know about the dea building blast in 1997 Sarasota both abusive husbands together leaving Gargano shop the finali Gargano meeting my husband cold day march leaving emco chemical company he always bragged how he played with fire flammables all night he worked night shift his lunch break was spent in the wee hours the time of the fire I finally contacted the fbi after gargano sent jay Townsend Johnson Henry into my window ripped my journal where I wrote the word dynamite a note mind your business I feared my safety domestic abuse and arson murder of 9 I was being threatened they said I would be framed for 9 people death if I didn’t shut my mouth as I awaited the fbi several attempts shooting in my home an assassin arrived with jay Townsend Johnson Henry pointing a gun at the children and I fire dire need they finally ignited a car bomb in my face and I lived why didn’t I just die there would be no more need to threaten my life bully me intimidate me my illnesses are chronic ptsd traumatic brain injury anxiety disorder panic disorder traumatic headaches depressive disorder writing helps especially writing here because I don’t think they will break in my home looking for my hand written journal covered in blood tears breast milk I am blessed I know that god and I thank you but I won’t let them kill me I feel my only defences is ending my own life to stop the terror the identity fraud the bullying threats intimidation the bullying is the worse I’m a bullied disabled person in America for saving lives my prayers are with all of those 9 persons who perished in those fires it haunts me everyday that I could not save them that it took so long to finally piece together and truly understand the Fbi need for my wearing wires pregnant but it’s okay I can’t dwell there it has harmed my health my heart my emotional health I survived I am American I don’t regret working with the Fbi I know many lives were saved in Chicago from gun violence I Thank God for the Military order of the purple heart my therapist doctors traumatic brain injury groups God bless the Federal Bureau of Investigation Chicago Arlington heights and God Bless the United States of America
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